Kerry Backs 81.9 Billion Supplemental War Funding

Senator John Kerry provided his Republican opponents with new political ammunition today - should he ever be so foolhardy as to ever run for president again - when he gave his support for additional spending in Iraq, stating "I actually will vote for the $82 billion before I vote for it."

"What sort of crazy talk is that?" asked Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "If a double negative is a positive, isn't a double positive a negative? I think... no... yes... Wait a minute. Let me ask my good friend, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay".

"No, Bill, a double positive is still technically a positive, but it's an insidious kind of positive, kind of like when you put two positives together in a flashlight and the damn thing just won't work. Senator Kerry, you mealy mouthed meathead, why don't you just say what you mean?"

"I did say what I mean, Bugman, what do you have, bribes in your ears? If you don't have the sense to listen, I don't have the sense to speak".

"Kerry, this is Frist. It's imperative that I identify myself since Hoback didn't bother to annotate us tonight. You think you're pretty smart, don't you, you brie eating earth-shoe wearing double positive Boston potty mouth. I can beat your ass any day of the week in a game of skittles".

"I, for one, have no idea what a skittles is".

"Oh sure you do, Botox face. It's a game where you've got all these little bowling pins and they're all in little chambers and you spin this wooden thing kind of like a top, you know what I mean, oh, what the hell do you call that thing? Help me out, Senator Lieberman".

"A dreidel".

"Thank you, Joe. It's called a dreidel, and you knock over as many bowling pins as possible".

"Perhaps I can knock over no tiny bowling pins. Does that in someway make me less of a man?".




2005, Mark Hoback