The White House shifted into full crisis mode this morning when it was discovered that the president had somehow misplaced his veto pen.
"Misplaced it, my ass," said Bush, his face drawn tight in grim determination. "Somebody stole the motherfucker, and I'm not going to stop investigating until I get to the bottom of things."
An aide close to the president said that initial suspicions were directed towards 'some Democrat', but a quick check of Secret Service gate records revealed that no member of the opposition party had been on the White House grounds in the past fourteen months 'except for Joe Lieberman, and he doesn't count'.
Bush had hoped to head off a full-blown crisis by summoning his entire staff to his office, but after turning his back and counting to fifty, the pen had still not been returned.
"Of course the president was disappointed, but in a way he was relieved to have proof that no wrongdoing had occurred among members of his inner circle," the aide said. He notes that the investigation is now focusing on 'those Republicans with presidential ambitions' who 'might conceivably someday be in a position to wield such a mighty instrument'.
"Whatever the case, the president is really going to need that pen pretty soon. He promised the people of this great nation a veto, and he's nothing if not a man who keeps his word."
©2007, Mark Hoback