Bush in the Forefront of the 'War on Flu'

Bush demonstrates how hard someone with the Avian Flu might sneeze

President Bush today outlined a $7.1 billion strategy in the upcoming epidemic of the Avian Flu, which could happen any day now if we're not fully prepared. Among the actions which the president outlined are liability protections for vaccine makers, restriction of all non-essential travel, and the stockpiling of enough chicken soup to feed all of America.

"I've read up on the subject," said the notoriously book-phobic president. "I know how serious a situation like this can be. I recently read a book on the topic by a famous doctor. It's called 'Horton Catches the Flu' . I found it to be a real eye-opener, showing the effects of a global pandemic as seen through the eyes of one victim. I'm determined to not have a crisis like this happen in the United States of America."

The government has moved forward with plans to buy twenty-seven million doses of vaccine for the Avian Flu. If a pandemic were to occur, these would be given first to qualified medical personnel, then to military health enforcement officers, and finally to GOP donors who have participated at the $500 level or above. Any remaining vaccine would be auctioned on EBay.


2005, M Hoback