Reason to Stay the Course #23

While not disavowing his previous twenty-two reasons for the war in Iraq, President Bush unveiled a brand spanking new one yesterday at Naval Air Station North Island in California: the terrorists are after our Iraq's oil fields.

'If Zarqawi and Osama bin Laden gain control of Iraq, they would create a new training ground for future terrorist attacks," Bush said. ''They'd seize oil fields to fund their ambitions."

This new rationale is expected to resonate soundly with the American people, who are already fed up with high gasoline prices. "Many people feel like they are paying too much at the pump, that oil company profits are too high," said the president. "Well, I feel their pain, but imagine a future where the terrorists ran the gas stations. When I say you'd be paying an arm and a leg, you'd literally be paying an arm and a leg."

Speaking later from his office in Washington, Defense Secretary Rumsfeld elaborated. "This is a terribly, terribly important issue, because as odious as it sounds to many people, if Osama bin Laden were selling oil, we would still have to buy it, regardless of the consequences. We'd be paying for our own destruction. Maybe we'd have to use a third party to broker the sales, just to keep up decorum... but still."

"And furthermore, if you think you could still pick up a six pack of Bud and a bag of pork skins while filling up, you're living in a dream world. Better to loose a few soldiers here and there than to live in a world with filthy restrooms."


2005, Mark Hoback