Take a gander at what we've got ourselves here. Looks to me like a Supreme Court justice. Yep, that's what we've got all right. He's just got that air about him, the smell of the law. Looks like he's wearing a robe even when he's wearing a suit. Boy, was I ever surprised when he showed up here wearing the same thing as me. Good thing I had a spare tie, or it would have been too darn cute - Karl would have never let me live it down.
He looks like he's about to say something, but he's just staring off into space. Well, I'm not going to be the first one to talk, that'd set a bad precedent. Besides, he won't even make eye contact. Squirrelly lookin guy, I gotta say. Sure wouldn't a been my first choice for the Supreme Court. Bet he's never pitched a horseshoe in his life. Maybe he's asleep... No, there goes the lip twitching thing again... Oh good, here comes Roberts. I'll just stand here and let Johnny boy swear him in.
"Hey, Sam, congratulations. Welcome to the club."
"You know, the Supreme Court. Congratulations."
"The Supreme Court is not a club. It is the highest rung of the judicial branch of our great nation, a body with the responsibility of judicial review as decided in Marbury verses Madison."
Wow, what a stick in the mud. This guy is a real barrel of laughs. I should have stuck with Harriett, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, but what do I do, I listen to Karl, and start second guessing myself, and now here I am with Mister Sunshine.
"Okay, Judge, ready to take the oath? Repeat after me. I Sam Alito..."
"I Samuel Anthony Alito, Jr...."
"Do solemnly swear that I will administer justice..."
"I will not swear, Justice Roberts. It is not my nature. I will, however, be willing to pledge."
"Fine, go ahead."
"By tradition of the court, I must ask you to restate your last sentence."
"Okay, okay. Do solemnly pledge that I will administer justice..."
"Do solemnly pledge that I will administer justice..."
"Without respect to persons and do equal right to the poor and to the rich..."
"Bwa ha ha ha... Sorry. Without respect to persons and do equal right to the poor and to the rich..."
"That is kind of funny, isn't it? I don't know why the heck they put that line in there. ...and that I will faithfully and impartially discharge and perform all the duties incumbent upon me..."
"Bwa ha ha ha... Sorry, it's just that that line sounded kind of dirty to me. ...and that I will faithfully and impartially discharge and perform all the doodies incumbent upon me..."
Did he just say doodie?
"According to my abilities and understanding agreeably to the Constitution and laws of the United States."
"According to my abilities and the rest of the line doesn't make any literal sense at all. But never mind, I'll play along. And understanding agreeably to the Constitution and laws of the United States."
"So help me God."
"That's it. See you in court."
I stand in awe of the democratic process. It's a wonderful thing. Boring, but wonderful. Well, I guess it's time to hit the old pastry tray. I wonder if Tinkerbell here is going to talk to me now. I know I'm not going to be first.
© 2006, Mark Hoback