Mission Accomplished!

Speaking from his ranch in Crawford, Texas, the president today announced that he had finally cleared all of the brush.

"That new backhoe that Condi gave me is truly magnificent," said the proud but tired President. "But I've got to pause and wonder - what the heck am I supposed to do for the rest of my vacation?"


President Takes Up Backhoe Racing

Having cleared all of the brush in the entire town of Crawford, President Bush has found a new outlet for his boundless energy - backhoe racing.

"He's quite competitive at it," says neighbor Claude Funston, who is ranked number seven on the NASBAR circuit. "And he's fearless, too. He'll take those curves at full throttle."

"This is great," said Bush, gulping down a 20 ounce Dr. Pepper. "I finally found something I like as much as being leader of the free world."


President in Minor Backhoe Mishap

President Bush is reportedly "just fine" except for a few minor scrapes after overturning his backhoe in a spirited race with NASBAR driver Claude Funston.

"He was driving like all get out," said Funston. "He was trying to pass me on the short ledge by Gooseberry Pond, and woops. Banged the holy hell out of that backhoe of his, but he just got up, all grins, and asked me for the keys to mine."

"It wasn't my fault," said the president. "It's been raining a lot and the topsoil was loose. And some crazy duck ran in front of me right as I was getting ready to shut old Claude down."


2005, Mark Hoback