President Defends His Dog
On August 13, 2003, Chicago Tribune reporter Jim Bradley reported  that someone had taken a leak as well as a humongous dump on the Blue Room carpet in the White House. His article further reported that high white horse souses had told him that the suspect was someone with regular access to the first family, quite possibly a dog or other domesticated creature. At the time, the story was picked up by only a few other media outlets, and did not create much of a splash.

On August 18th of the same month, press Secretary Ari Fleischer was asked about the leak at a morning press briefing. He stated the he knew about no such crap, but added "if it's really important to you, I'll check with the president and get back to you on the matter". There was no known follow-up.

Late last month, White House maid Betty Hurley appeared on 'Face the Nation', telling host Bob Schieffer that she had indeed cleaned up a pile of poop on or about that date. "I don't think the president ever knew about it," she stated. "Thank God he didn't step in it."

Bush responded strongly to the story, saying that if any one at the White House was connected to the leak, they would quickly find themselves in the doghouse. "We don't need that sort of crap in this administration. I sought the presidency to clean house, not to sully it."

This has all changed now that the prime suspect of the ongoing investigation turns out to be none other than Barney the dog.  "We have a serious ongoing investigation here," Bush said Monday when questioned about the matter. "I think it's best that people wait until the investigation is complete before they jump to conclusions. There are an awful lot of people who want to smear Barney, but he has shown tremendous loyalty to this administration. Besides, it's not the leak that matters at this point, it's the cover-up. And by her own words, Ms Hurley has admitted to disposing of the evidence."

 

2005, Mark Hoback