1/1/7 12:47 dispatch to WIS-TV News Desk - Jim Wensel rep.
The National Transportation & Safety Bureau has reportedly spotted President Bush and his Team of Super-Advisors on I64, about seventeen miles east of Charlottesville, Virginia.
"They were flying like the wind," said Brad Dudley, a senior spotter and agency bootlick. "It was as though they had a vast swarm of hornets on their tail, their speed was so great. Thirty, thirty-five miles an hour, minimum."
If the NTSB is to be believed - and surely they are - the president could be back in Washington within four and a half hours, beating his previous Crawford to DC time by two hours and fifteen minutes.
"He's gonna be one hungry president when he gets home, I tell you that," said assistant White House Chef Tito Lambuni. "I've taken the precaution of putting an extra rack of ribs on the fire." Chef Lambuni was said to also be preparing extra spicy barbeque beans, Cole slaw and Texas toast, facts that are entirely peripheral to this story, but certainly help to pad it out to an acceptable length.
No one is certain why the president is making such haste to return home, although some suspect that it may be to prevent the 2007 Congress from running amuck when they reconvene later this week.
"In his dreams," said newly renegade Senator Richard Lugar. "This is the Double-O-Seven congress and we will not be trifled with." The Senator's words ring true, as this is the first Double-O-Seven congress in the nation's history.
A senior NTSB official speaking off the record indicated that the President's extreme pedaling might be part of a larger effort to show that he, not Gerald Ford, was the most athletic president ever. "It wouldn't surprise me at all if he did a couple of victory laps around the rotunda before dinner."
©2007, Mark Hoback