Bolton Disrupts Memorial Day Picnic

"Pass the ketchup, you worthless old antique"

Democrats are predictably seizing upon the UN ambassador nominee's behavior at a Memorial Day picnic as evidence that he does not have the right temperament for the position. Washington hostess Patricia Bluestone claims that Bolton flung a large portion of potato salad at her in a fit of anger, absolutely ruining her blouse and spoiling her appetite. Additionally, she claims that he chased an unnamed female guest around the yard with a very greasy chicken leg.

"I have never seen such appalling behavior in my long career of hosting picnics for Washington insiders," she told FGAQ. "He asked me what the little green things were in the potato salad, and when I told him they were  bits of chopped green pepper added for color, he called me a dumb b-word and hurled his entire serving at me with undue force. And then he wiped his hands on David Lyons' pants, saying only a real p-word would want to be ambassador to Fiji. The man is a beast."

"Ah, give him a break," said vice-president Dick Cheney, who also attended the picnic lunch at Rosemont. "The potato salad was crap. I applaud John for having the cojones to express that fact as bluntly as he did. When you have a country like Syria on the Human Rights committee, the last person you want as ambassador is some sort of gentleman. And it was not a chicken leg, it was a wing. Can't that dumb bitch get anything right?"


2005, Mark Hoback