Bush Sends Message to UN

Calling it 'the least important job in America', President Bush today made a special recess appointment of John Bolton as ambassador to the United Nations.

"I do understand that many people don't like John," said Bush. "I don't like him either, which is why I think he will be perfect for the job. I'll settle for fear over respect any day of the week, which is why I'm so excited about this appointment. See this finger? I've got another one just like it. Yeah, a double fuck you. Sometimes I wish I had eight arms like one of those crazy Buddhist gods. How much fun would it be to flip off the world with that many birds? I guess I'll never know, but that won't stop me from dreaming about it."

"I've got a few fingers of my own," said Bolton, smacking the president on his ass.

"God, I hate it when you do that," said Bush, "But not as much as Kofi is going to hate it. Hey, I've got a good idea. Maybe you can start mispronouncing his name, you know, call him coffee rather than Kofi."

"Nah, I think I'll just continue calling him asshole."

"Whatever, John. You're the diplomat."


2005, Mark Hoback