George Bush and John Kerry traded barbs today on the issue of campaign burnout, with both candidates claiming to be the most exhausted with the year long race.

Bush, speaking at a rally in Davenport, Iowa, told the crowd that "if I have to go to one more godforsaken cornfield repeating platitudes to a bunch of yammering fence sitters who have nothing better to do in the middle of the day than come to a football stadium and wave their handmade signs, I think I'm going to scream. My opponent, on the other hand, likes nothing better than flying across the country, flapping his gums. That way he gets out of voting on important legislation to secure our country's future."

The Kerry team, holding a town hall in Ohio on their 84th visit, was quick to respond. "The president likes to say he's sick of campaigning, but the evidence would seem to indicate the opposite. This is a man, much like the energizer bunny, who just keeps on running. It is my heartfelt belief that even if Mr. Bush was ahead in the race for the presidency, he would still be gibbering away. I, on the other hand, have a life."

Bush returned fire from Air Force One. "Yeah, right. At least the senator has entertainment. He's hobnobbing with Bruce Springsteen, when the best I can do is some rube like Sammy Kershaw. And he gets to drink. God, I would kill for a beer."

"Do you know how many times I've had to hear 'No Surrender'?", replied Kerry. "Give me a break. It feels like groundhog day around here. Over and over and over... It's no party, I can vouch for that much. And if the president is as bored as he'd like you to believe, why doesn't he take Ted Nugent to a few events? A little 'Wang Dang Doodle' would certainly be a pleasant relief in my camp."

"I'll tell you one thing," sighed the president. "Whatever happens, come November 3rd, I'm going to do me some serious brush clearing."


2004, M Hoback