Bush Topples Own Regime

President Bush fell down yesterday and immediately went boom. In a spectacular act of bike riding ineptitude, the chief executive managed to land on his ass, his chin, his upper lip, his nose, his right hand, his left knee and his right kneecap. Vice President Dick Cheney was declared "acting president" for approximately five minutes while doctors examined the leader of the free world, who was described by White House spokesman Trent Duffy as "bent but not broken."

Disturbed by the ease of writing a puff piece such as this, I decided to call my old friend Bill O'Reilly and ask him if I were acting, you know, French. He assured me that I was not.

"As funny as this story is, President Bush is not the first American leader to ever fall down," said O'Reilly. "As many of your readers will recall, Senator Kerry fell off of his snowboard only a few short months ago, and there wasn't a lot of controversy in the left wing media about the episode. That said, it must be noted that riding a snowboard is quite difficult. Any idiot can ride a bike." O'Reilly paused, before continuing. "Well, almost any idiot."

The president was seen putting a piece of chewing gum into his mouth immediately prior to the accident.


2004, Mark Hoback