Earth Day Just Ruined for Bush

President Bush was visibly upset today as he announced the cancellation of his Earth Day visit to the Great Smokey Mountains. Scott McClellan was on hand to answer questions for the president, who was described as too sad to comment.

"The president was really looking forward to this trip, and I think we can all share in his disappointment," McClellan said, in his opening statement. "The weather here in the nation's capitol is just grand; it's hard to believe that just a few hours away they're expecting thundershowers, and heaven forbid, possibly even hail."

Q: So it would have been 'hail to the chief', then?

SM: Good one, Jim. I'll relay that to the president. I doubt it will cheer him up much, though. He's feeling pretty depressed about the entire matter.

Q: If the president had been able to make the trip, can you tell us what his agenda would have been?

SM: Larry, as you know, for security reasons, we're usually pretty tight lipped about the president's agenda. But I guess this is different, since the whole weekend is just ruined.

Q: Follow up on that, Scott. So what would he have been doing?

SM: Sorry, Larry. No follow-ups.

Q: Since the president can't go, will he be using this time to work on an exit plan for the troops in Iraq?

SM: Helen, you old Arab cow, I wasn't even pointing at you.

Q: Back to Larry's question. What would the president's agenda have been, if he could have made the trip?

SM: I don't know why the press is so fixated by this imaginary agenda. There is no trip, therefore there is no agenda.

Q: Would have he been visiting Dollywood?

SM: Elliot, as you know, the president is a big fan of Ms Parton, and a fan of recreational theme parks in general, so there certainly exists the possibility that he would have visited Dollywood.

Q: Would he have ridden the giant water plume?

SM: You know I'm not at liberty to answer that, Gina. If terrorists knew which rides the president planned to take, our security needs would be impossible to meet. But let me just reiterate that there is no agenda since there is no trip, which reduces your query to the level of absurdity. I have time for one more question. Yes?

Q: Does the president have any thoughts on the stalling of John Bolton's nomination as UN ambassador?

SM: Good question. He certainly does.


2005, Mark Hoback