Laughter Sweeps the White House

President Bush tells Secretary Rice the one about Cheney & the bear

Karl Rove has declared it to be so, and the Bush administration is in total agreement: Dick Cheney's shooting of an old man is the number one funniest thing that's ever happened in the history of the White House.

As is traditional, Bush got to throw out the ceremonial first joke, which he did this morning at a breakfast conference with a number of Republican Senators. "Orange, you know, you've got to wear orange. It means don't shoot me, I'm not a bird." A couple of senators chuckled politely.

Kicking it up a notch, spokesman Scott McClellan jumped into the fray at this mornings press briefing. Discussing the president's upcoming meeting with the University of Texas football team, he stuck with his boss's orange theme, quipping "The orange they're wearing is not because they are concerned that the vice president will be there." With his audience still shaking with laughter, he pointed to his tie (which, get this, was orange) and followed up with "Although that's why I'm wearing it, so hopefully none of y'all will --''

"None of us will do what, jerkoff?" shouted one cheeky correspondent, as the guffawing continued to rock the room.

The star of the show was not to be outdone. Speaking of the incident for the first time, he told radio host Laura Ingram "It's just the same as me, Laura. I'm a little awkward. My wife likes to say that I'm so clumsy that when we go dancing, I'm likely to trip over the light fantastic. You should have seen old Harry's face, though. He looked as confused as Michael Jackson in a hardware store. Or a gun store. Something masculine."

The laughter died down a bit this afternoon after the administration learned that Whittington had just suffered a heart attack caused by birdshot which had lodged in his heart. "What a terrible week for Dick," empathized Defense chief Donald Rumsfeld. "Looks like if they don't burn him for Plamegate, they'll get him on Whittington for negligent manslaughter. I know he just feels terrible. I heard that he attempted suicide last night, but was such a bad shot that he missed himself entirely."


2006, Mark Hoback