...and now we have something seasonal here on Hannity and Colmes. In the studio we have the Secretary of State, Dr. Condoleezza Rice. Welcome Condi, it's good to have you back on the show. Also in the studio is former presidential hopeful John Kerry. Joining us on satellite is none other than the president of the United States, George W Bush. Good evening sir. Also joining us on satellite, from the musical group the Cure, is singer Robert Smith.
Hannity: I've got to admit that I'm at somewhat of a loss here tonight. We have almost an embarrassment of riches. You make the call, Alan. Should I lead off tonight with the live first lady or the video Commander in Chief?
Colmes: That's secretary of State, Sean. But point taken. It is a seriously difficult protocol issue.
Bush: Ya'll go with Condi first, that's fine. I'm just the President of the United States, that's all.
Hannity: And a darn fine one too, sir, I must say. I shudder when I think of what could have happened if... mmm, maybe we'll talk about that next segment. Now Ms. Rice, the president has deferred to you, so come on, tell us - what's the best Christmas song out there?
Colmes: That's holiday song, Sean.
Hannity: I'll be damned if I am going to stop using the word Christmas just so some knee-jerk heathen moveon.com idiot doesn't get his panties in a wad. I'm going to repeat the question to you, Miss Rice. What is the best Christmas song out there?
Condi Rice: Sean, I think that for me, it would have to be 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause'. I find that quite disturbing... No, no, not my choice, but the song itself. That part about creeping downstairs to have a peep when everybody thinks you're tucked up fast asleep... whoa. I think to myself, that could happen. A disturbing but exciting number, deceptive in it's simplicity.
Hannity: An excellent choice.
Colmes: I don't think Christ is in that song, Sean.
Hannity: For Pete's sake, Alan, will you just shut up and let our guests have a word or two? Mister President, do you agree with Dr. Rice's assessment?"
Bush: I think that's really more of a girl's song, Sean. Hey Colmes, you're gonna like this. Not only does my song not have Christ in it, it doesn't even have any words. My favorite is that 'Jingle Bells' song by the Singing Dogs. Cracks me up. Every time I play it, Barney just about goes crazy. That's festive for you. I don't have a clue as to how they teach those dogs to bark like that.
Condi: Yes. That is the best one, now that I think about it. I share the President's regard for this simple yet festive tune, which uses the loyal dog to convey a playful seasonal message that All People, regardless of religion, can enjoy during this holiday season.
Colmes: I'm going to put that on right now so that we can all have a listen to it.
Chris Matthews: Dogs singing Jingle Bells seems sort of morbid to me. I like the traditional tunes, such as Silent Night.
Hannity: We apologize for that interruption by Chris Mathews, who apparently wandered into the studio in an attempt to increase his pathetic ratings. How many times do I have to say it? The liberal media is dead. Now for your opinion...
Kerry: Thank you, Sean. I have to say that...
Hannity: It's Mister Hannity to you, Senator. And I was directing my question to Freak Boy over there. Robert Smith. Do you agree that 'Jingle Bells' by the Singing Dogs is the best Christmas song ever?
Smith: I don't know if it's the best...
Hannity: Are you calling the president a liar? Is that what you're doing? Admit it.
Smith: I'm just having a difference of opinion is all. I think...
Hannity: Admit it, Freak Boy. You're living your elite rock star life style because of American dollars and you come over here to put down the president of the greatest country on earth. You hate America, admit it.
Smith: Not at all. As a matter of fact I think the best Christmas song is by an American.
Colmes: And that would be?
Smith: 'Blue Christmas' by Elvis.
Bush: That is a good one. I think old Black Eyes here has hit the nail on the head.
Rice: I love that song.
Kerry: It's a good one.
Hannity: Shut up, Senator. And there you have it, folks. Bringing people together in the Christmas spirit. Coming up after the break, Dick Morris to talk about yuletide ribaldry at the UN. Stay tuned.
©2004, Mark Hoback