Reagan Week

Bush <shouting into intercom>: SEND ME PRESS-BOY! NOW!

<Sound of running> <getting closer> <closer> <closer> <BAM! Goes the door as a red-faced Scott McClellan busts in, with a pitcher in his hand> Yes sir, yes sir, I brought you some lemonade, sir.

Bush: I don't want any lemonade, you idiot.

McClellan: Are you sure? It's COUNTRY TIME.

Bush: I'll tell you what I want.

McClellan: Yes sir. What's that sir?

Bush: I want you to get out of my sight.

McClellan <walking backwards to the door>: Yes sir.

Bush: Get back in here, Bozo.

McClellan: Yes sir. You seem a little upset sir.

Bush: I'm not a little upset. I'm big time upset. Now give me some of that lemonade. <chugs a tumbler full> Ahhh. That's good lemonade.

McClellan: It's COUNTRY TIME , sir. It tastes just like summer.

Bush: Country Time, that's a great American brand. Did you know that COUNTRY TIME Lemonade was introduced in 1976?

McClellan: Yes sir. And COUNTRY TIME Pink Lemonade was introduced in 1977.

Bush: Yeah, but I just like the yellow kind so much that I never get around to trying the pink. It seems a little girlie. When I was young, I used to mix it with Jack Daniels - we called it Lynchburg Lemonade. Those were the days. Tell me, Scott, do you remember who the first COUNTRY TIME spokesman was?

McClellan: Yes I do, sir. He just went by the name of Grandpa.

Bush: Grandpa, that's right. I guess I just put it out of my head, cause...

McClellan: Because you hated your grandpa.

Bush: Old Prescott. It's not a very Christian thing to say, but I sure do hope that he's burning in hell.

McClellan: I'm sure he is, sir. More COUNTRY TIME?

Bush: Don't mind if I do. Now what was it I wanted to talk to you about.

McClellan: Probably something to do with your recent press coverage. That would be my guess.

Bush: Oh, yeah. Right, right. You know, it's hard to stay upset when you've got a big old glass of COUNTRY TIME.

McClellan: Don't I know it.

Bush: The thing is, this was supposed to be George Bush week.

McClelland: Well...

Bush: Flying around, meeting with the bigwigs. D-day. The G8. All the Presidential stuff. Strong leader, big world. Bush week.

McClellan: Sir, if I may say so, I think you need to accentuate the positive.

Bush: What?

McClellan: Look on the bright side of life. You may not be getting much press, but neither is Abu Ghraib.

Bush: Abby Grabby.

McClellan: The Valerie Plame story is a non-starter as well. Ahmed Chabli, nowhere to be found. And the Tenet matter, dead in the water.

Bush: You're making some sense there, Scott. But this was supposed to be good Bush week. Presidential Bush week.

McClellan: Oh, come now. It's still Bush week.

Bush <sullenly>: Is not. It's Reagan week.

McClellan: Well, sir, President Reagan was beloved.

Bush: He was beloved. I'm not beloved. Oh sure, people tell me "George Bush, you're a good man". But they don't belove me.

McClellan: I think they belove you a little bit. You might have to die before they belove you a lot.

Bush: You think? Listen, not a lot of people know this story, but Reagan wasn't that beloveable. One time I was up to see my dad, and Reagam put a Milky Way on my chair.  I had creamy nougat and chocolate all over my butt. Dad laughed, but only out of subservience. I would have beat that old bag within an inch of his life if it wasn't for the Secret Service.

McClellan: Oooh. That's some story.

Bush: Truth.

McClellan: Ummm.

Bush: Yeah

McClellan: Well. More COUNTRY TIME?

Bush: You bet. It's Sumerlicious.


2004, mark hoback