Wonderful food! I wet myself in anticipation!

President Bush departs today for a good will visit to the frozen tundra of our neighbor to the north. During the short trip, the president intends to visit a back bacon factory, view some walruses, and meet with King Martin III for an unbelievably delicious dinner, prepared by the dean of Canadian chefs, Phillippe Wettel of the Ottawa Westin.

"This will be a meal fit for a King," said Wettel, stating the obvious while rubbing his belly in anticipation. "My mouth waters just to think of it. We begin with... a bed of Sante Fe guacamole topped with giant shrimp and New Brunswick Lobster! Oui! Oui oui oui!!!"

"And then, and then... Roasted Okanagan apple and butternut squash bisque spiked with 'Gentleman Jack' Tennessee whiskey! La manière trop bonne pour des porcs aiment ces derniers, si je dis ainsi moi-même. Of course, for Mister Bush, we have prepared a separate portion which is spiked with Fresca."

"The main course? How good of you to ask. We have... Mesquite smoked medallion of Alberta beef served with Taber corn, Yukon gold mashed potatoes, hand-picked baby vegetables and a Niagara Merlot sauce! Merci. Merci. Merci beaucoup. Please hold your applause until I announce the desert."

"We have heard how much the president enjoys his sweets, so in his honor, I am preparing... Saskatoon berry creme nestled on dark chocolate fondant, Florida orange sabayon and mousseline with a Quebec maple bourbon sauce!!! Merci. Merci. Vous êtes trop aimable. Oh, Mister Bush should have quite a sugar buzz going after he eats this dish, which in his honor, I am naming 'Le Sucre a Enduit le Festin de Bush'."

"And now, if you will please excuse me, I have a lobster to de-bone."