President Frightened by Enormous Possum

President Bush exaggerates size of the giant possum, but not really by that much

White House spokesman Scott McClellan said the president was resting comfortably today after having been scared by "the biggest possum you've ever seen."

Bush had been relaxing on the White House grounds, throwing a stick to Barney the dog, when the incident occurred. After falling into an undeniably large possum hole, Barney emerged moments later barking his poor little head off in, appearing to be in a state of heightened agitation. Moments later the possum emerged.

"That was a huge possum," Bush was quoted as saying. "Man oh man. Enormous. Whew. I need lemonade. Just mind blowing. That was the mother of all possums. Humongous. All I can say is, that was a mighty big possum."

Authorities have not determined why the creature was on the White House grounds. The possum, identified as a Common Brushtail Possum, really was large as far as possums go. After secret service agents wrestled it to the ground, it was weighed at eighteen pounds, six ounces, making it quite an enormous possum indeed.


2004, Mark Hoback