AdWatch: Bush Ad Soothes Voters

Details of a new television ad from the Bush-Cheney campaign, set to begin airing Thursday:

TITLE: "A Message from the Lord Jesus Christ"

LENGTH: 30 seconds.

PRODUCER: Neil Estraveda.

AIRING: Nationally on cable networks, Sunday on FOX NFL games, Monday on ABC Monday night football.

SCRIPT

Bush: "I'm George W Bush and I approve this message."

Cue: Pan pipes of Zamfir.

Image: Blissful swirling clouds of soothing pink.

Heavenly voice over: "Hello folks, it is I. Yes, I know, you can't see me, but those of you with faith shall know me with certainty, and you are the ones to which I wish to speak."

"Many of you have no doubt heard talk from my beloved messenger Pat Robertson which may have disturbed you."

Cut to tape, Robertson with Paula Zahn: "He was just sitting there, like, I'm on top of the world, and I warned him about this war. And I was trying to say, Mr. President, you better prepare the American people for casualties. `Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties.' He was the most self-assured man I ever met."

Cut to still of confident, smiling Bush.

Heavenly voice over: "I talk to politicians the world over. What, you don't think they're all lying, do you? Sometimes I kid around a little, and sometimes the more righteous leaders just don't get the joke. George Bush is such a man, a good and God fearing man, a man with a sense of humor as shallow as the pool of dew which gathers on the Yuca flower. This is a good thing. These are the end times, and a sense of frivolity is of little value. My bad."

"In spite of my little faux pas, a truly demonic dictator was deposed, and Iraq is making great strides towards democracy, the same political system which I first provided to the founding fathers. And to think, John Kerry and the Democratic party would turn it's back on me after all I've done, going so far as his proposal to ban the Bible."

"America, the chosen land, needs a true leader, not a flip-flopper who would would attack terrorism only after America is hit, when it would be too late. It's true. My blessing is on George. It's the blessing of heaven on the emperor. In a manner of speaking, that is."

Announcer: "Bush-Cheney. This time it's a matter of your very soul."