America Pleads: Mister Bush, Get your Flu Shot


America felt the presence of fear once again last night, as surely as if a one armed maniac with a razor sharp metal hook was successfully trying to open their passenger side door. The cause of the alarm was an eleven word phrase uttered by the president shortly after 9PM EST: "I haven't gotten a flu shot, and I don't intend to..."

Letters, telegrams, and phone calls began to flood into the oval office almost immediately. Typical of these was this message from Louise Bensonhearse of Scottsdale, Michigan.

Dear Mr. President,

I beg that you please, please, please reconsider your brave but foolhardy decision to forego getting a flu shot this Fall. The flu season is closing in on us fast, and as you well know, it is capable of bringing down even the strongest of men.

I know that your decision was made in the great spirit of giving which is your very essence, but please, reconsider. We cannot afford to lose you, Mister President, even if it's just for a couple of weeks with the sniffles. God forbid complications should set in.

We all love you and respect you, but please!

Louise 'Sassy' Bensonhearse

White house spokesman Scott McClellan spoke to the press about the matter this morning. "I know many of you are concerned about the president's safety, but I want to assure you all that the president is a strapping, healthy hunk of a man, and is facing this decision with cautious optimism. He made up his mind to donate his flu shot to little Stacy Adams of Topeka, Kansas, who is seven years old and just a frail little thing. Unlike John Kerry, who we understand has had two flu shots, this president is willing to make the sacrifice."

 

2004, M Hoback