In the age of noblesse
We used to pay a quarter
Just to watch the nobles freeze

Congress today passed historic legislation that promises the 40 million Americans leeches on Medicare help in paying for prescription drugs and opens the program to powerful new market forces. The Senate's final vote culminated a six-year quest on Capitol Hill to begin dismantling one of the last 'Great Society' social programs and create the illusion of health care for all Americans that conservatives have long sought.

President Bush was in a cranking good mood as he offered remarks at the Spring Valley Hospital Medical Center, where he is holding strategic meetings on moonwalking with headline making pop star Michael Jackson. "We inherited a good Medicare system but it was becoming old and it needed help," Bush told the old geezers. "You know the old joke - We're from the government and we're here to help you? You know that one? Well, forget about that one, because We're from the government and we're here to help you. And I mean that sincerely."

"Because of the actions of Congress, because of the actions of both political parties, but mainly because of American Republicans, the Medicare system will be modern and it will be strong," Bush said, adding beneath his breath, "for at least another four or five years. And by then it will be too late..."

"This is a good bill, and I'm looking forward to signing it," Bush said, proudly making a large X with the presidential fountain pen. "I'm honored to put my signature on this historic piece of legislation. My administration hereby creates the 'Coalition of the Spilling".

"Heh, heh," he continued. "Get it? Jeez, do you people need hearing aids or something? Coalition of the Spilling. Because you old people are always spilling things all over the place." The first mother stood near by, looking radiant in fleece slippers and a baby blue t-shirt which read 'We're Spending our Children's Inheritance!'.

Bush praised the bills provision which he said offers "more options and more choices in health care. The Medicare plan that I'm going to sign understands that a lack of comprehension meant that there was no real need to provide inoculation," he said. "Now, who wants to wrestle?" Several members of the audience hesitantly raised their hands before being stared down by members of the Secret Service.