Not Insane

"The devil is the devil ... we have no idea of supping with the devil," Zimbabwe President Robert 'Maniac' Mugabe said today, in a speech stressing his commonalities with American President George 'Wildman' Bush.

"The Christ is the Christ... I would love to break bread with the Christ," Bush said in remarks made during a meeting with Ironman Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, in a reference to Mugabe's earlier statement. "See, that's the real difference between me and Mugabe - say, that's got a little bit of a lilt to it, doesn't it... Me and Mugabe, oh oh Me and Mugabe... sounds like it could come out of a hit song, doesn't it? Call me the singing President. Anyway, that's the difference between the two of us - positivality of attitude. I'm the positive president. Plus, I'm not insane like he is."

"Insane? Insane!" replied Mugabe. Any great man such as myself would be quickly driven insane if they were to try and govern a country where your own cook tried to cause you serious bodily harm by putting ground glass in your food. Insane, I'll show you insane. I try to... INSANE! That cook was bewitched I tell you. And it was my birthday. Arrrrrrr..."

"He's insane, all right" said Bush. "Just listen to him carrying on."

"I will kick his lily white ass," replied Mugabe. "I will kick his ass, in spite of my advanced years. Although I am eighty years old, I will kick his ass like a bewitched cook. What does this Bush know of combat? Has he ever fought a lion?"

"Flew fighter jets, Bozo. And you are never going to kick my ass. I'll have the secret service bum rush you."

"Come out from behind the skirts of your secretive service, and take your ass-kicking like a man, you sniveling faggot."

"Well you're about to get me riled, Crazy Man. Bet you never flew a fighter jet. Bet you never flew anything bigger than an elephant. No wait a second - that's a republican symbol and I don't want to defile a sacred symbol by suggesting that you would ride it. I bet you never flew anything bigger than a ocelot."

"That's insane, you insane president."

"You're the insane president. You're the insane one. I read it in the newspaper."

"Did not. I had it censored, and the writers hands have been removed from his body."

"Read it before you censored it."

"Arrrrrrr... it's true. That's why I had to censor it. 82% of the people feel I've lost my senses big time. But may I remind you that 18% of the people think that I am not insane."

"39% of the people think I'm not insane - that makes me twice as much sane as you."

"Sadly this is true. How about some more potato salad?"

"Sounds good to me."

2004, Mark Hoback