"The devil is the devil ... we
have no idea of supping with the devil,"
Zimbabwe President Robert 'Maniac' Mugabe said today, in a speech stressing
his commonalities with American President George 'Wildman' Bush.
"The Christ is the Christ... I
would love to break bread with the Christ," Bush said in remarks made during
a meeting with Ironman Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, in a reference to
Mugabe's earlier statement. "See, that's the real difference between me and
Mugabe - say, that's got a little bit of a lilt to it, doesn't it... Me and
Mugabe, oh oh Me and Mugabe... sounds like it could come out of a hit song,
doesn't it? Call me the singing President. Anyway, that's the difference
between the two of us - positivality of attitude. I'm the positive
president. Plus, I'm not insane like he is."
"Insane? Insane!" replied
Mugabe. Any great man such as myself would be quickly driven insane if they
were to try and govern a country where your own cook tried to cause you
serious bodily harm by
putting ground glass in your
food. Insane, I'll show you
insane. I try to... INSANE! That cook was bewitched I tell you. And it was
my birthday. Arrrrrrr..."
"He's insane, all right" said
Bush. "Just listen to him carrying on."
"I will kick his lily white
ass," replied Mugabe. "I will kick his ass, in spite of my advanced years.
Although I am eighty years old, I will kick his ass like a bewitched cook.
What does this Bush know of combat? Has he ever fought a lion?"
"Flew fighter jets, Bozo. And
you are never going to kick my ass. I'll have the secret service bum rush
"Come out from behind the skirts
of your secretive service, and take your ass-kicking like a man, you
"Well you're about to get me
riled, Crazy Man. Bet you never flew a fighter jet. Bet you never flew
anything bigger than an elephant. No wait a second - that's a republican
symbol and I don't want to defile a sacred symbol by suggesting that you
would ride it. I bet you never flew anything bigger than a ocelot."
"That's insane, you insane
"You're the insane president.
You're the insane one. I read it in the newspaper."
"Did not. I had it censored, and
the writers hands have been removed from his body."
"Read it before you censored
"Arrrrrrr... it's true. That's
why I had to censor it. 82% of the people feel I've lost my senses big time.
But may I remind you that 18% of the people think that I am not insane."
"39% of the people think I'm not
insane - that makes me twice as much sane as you."
"Sadly this is true. How about
some more potato salad?"
"Sounds good to me."