Paganism Temporarily Avoided

From the prestigious Bob Jones University web site, we are privileged to share in a letter from the oddly named Bob Jones III, president of the school that so proudly bears his name. He sends his congratulations to the newly elected POTUS, and tells him

In your re-election, God has graciously granted America -though she doesn't deserve it - a reprieve from the agenda of paganism. You have been given a mandate. We the people expect your voice to be like the clear and certain sound of a trumpet...

Don't equivocate. Put your agenda on the front burner and let it boil. You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ.

Responding on behalf of those who have worked so hard in recent years to try and ensure a return to paganism is Cthulhu, He of four eternities.  

"Oh, this is just dandy," said the ancient creature whose name must not be spoken, speaking from his stony lair near Lake Michigan. "They've just got to diss the Ancient Ones, don't they? It's about time I had a chance to rule America... Where's my mandate? I want a friggin mandate of my own! Cthulhu demands a mandate! I... uh... oops... I spoke my name. Slipped right out it did... oh man... now I've got to sleep for twenty years... so close... so close."

 

2004, Mark Hoback