Remarks by President Bush at Sedalia's "Talk to President Bush Talking Rally with President Bush"
Missouri State Fairgrounds
Sedalia, Missouri 

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you all. Thanks for coming. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. Thank you all. Please be seated. It's such an honor to be here. Thanks for coming. I don't know if you know it, but we're on a bus tour. They're big old things, those buses, big and made out of metal. I'm out asking for your vote. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. Y'all got it? You got the vote? I believe -- I like coming directly to the people, and say, give me your goddamn vote, and here's the reason why I think you ought to give it to me, and I already asked you nicely three times. And that's what we're going to do today. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much.

I thought we'd do it a little differently. We'll ask you four times and then we will demand your vote. Just kidding. Not. I've got some things I want to share with you about what I'd like to accomplish during the next four years. And so we've asked some citizens to come and share some stories and talk with us. That sounds pretty good, doesn't it. Darn good.


THE PRESIDENT: You betcha. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. I don't have to understand you people to talk to you. See what I mean. And then I'd like to answer some questions. Did I say that already? You betcha. Some of you may have a question or two in your mind, and I'd like to answer them for you. No. Heh, heh. That's my answer. Just like Capital One.

Before I begin, I wish Laura were here. Don't you? She is a wonderful lady. She's my Shady Bob, if you know what I mean. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. If I don't get too long winded, I'm going to have dinner with her tonight. Taco's. It's Taco Night at the White House. (Laughter.) She was a -- she was raised in Midland, Texas. That's where I was raised. Kind of. Close enough. And she was a public school librarian when I married her. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. And she said, fine, George, I'm damaged goods, I'm a damn public school librarian, what the hell, I'll marry you, just so long as I don't have to give any speeches. (Laughter.) Fortunately she didn't -- I said, fine, you don't ever have to give any speeches. Course I was telling a fictionalized version of the truth.

And so, fortunately, she didn't hold me to that fictionalized promise that she wouldn't have to give any. Speeches, that is. She gave a magnificent speech in New York City the other night. (Applause.) Thank you, Laura thanks you very much. I mean, she would, it's just the being here not thing that makes my words ring unusually hollow. I wasn't surprised because she's a former public school librarian. Those people are smart. You know, she ran over a kid once... it was a damn shame. I don't like to talk about it...

I'm going to give you some reasons to put me back in there, in that, that presidential office, as the president, but I think probably the most important one of all so is that Laura is, uh, my, my, your First Lady for four more years. (Applause.) Whoo dog. Thank you, thank you very much.

The other thing -- then I'm running with a good man. Funny looking fella, looks like that Nipper dog, head all cockeyed. We've got a great ticket. Front row center for U2. Heh, heh. Dick Cheney has done a heck of a job as the Vice President, but scoring those seats... Well, that's good. He's good. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much, for Dick's sake. I like to tease him, by saying, well, you know, I admit it, he's not the prettiest face in the race. That'd be me! (Laughter.) Heh, heh, heh. But just like Laura, I didn't pick him because of his looks. I picked him because he was a former public school librarian, and the fact that he can get the job done. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. He's a great Vice President. And I'm proud to be running with him. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much.

I want to thank my uncle, Bucky Bush, who is with us. The Buckster. He's a Missouri native, or citizen, right here, from St. Louis. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. That's so cool. I want to thank Charlie Kruse -- where is Charlie? Rumors. Oh, Charlie, God bless you, sir. We're so glad you're not dead. Our prayers are with you. I'm prayin you're going to vote for me. Goddamn better.  (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. He's a good man. Prettier than Dick Cheney, don't you think? I've known Charlie for quite a while. Two minutes tonight, and about thirty seconds four years ago. He said -- when I was campaigning in 2000, I was campaigning for president and he said, whatever you do, do not forget the Missouri farmer. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. He said, you keep that river open for our products. What the hell did he think I was going to do with the river, for God's sake. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. And we did. Kept that river open. Although my opponent wanted to close it. And I hadn't forgotten the Missouri farmer. Because they are just plain weird. The farm economy is strong, and the farmers smell strong. And we intend to keep it that way.

Whoa! Where is the time running away to? I wanted to do me a little bit of that question and answer thing with all you good people in Sedalia. Think I'll do the questions. Guess we're gonna have to cut to the chase. According to my notes, Wayne Lamb is with us. (Applause.) Say thank you, Wayne. Say thank you very much. Sounds like some of these hicks know you.

MR. LAMB: I guess so.

THE PRESIDENT: Okay, Mister Guess so. What's the name of your mother?

MR. LAMB: Sedalia Steel Supply.

THE PRESIDENT: Your mother's name is Sedalia Steel Supply? That's a pretty wild name. And what do you do?

MR. LAMB: I own Sedalia Steel Supply. We're a steel service center, and we service the Midwest...

THE PRESIDENT: What do you do - steel from people?

MR. LAMB: ...we service all the mid-part of Missouri with -- we find steel from large mills, break it into smaller quantities, take it to schools, manufacturing companies, maintenance fabricators. We process it. Just pass the savings on that way.

THE PRESIDENT: Yeah, good. It was a little joke, asswipe. And let me ask you, when did you start stealing?

MR. LAMB: Started in 1976, so we're almost 28 years old.

THE PRESIDENT: Almost as long as Dick Cheney's been in the business. This wasn't one of those deals that started in your garage, was it? A garage steel company?

MR. LAMB: No, it started just about like that. I had a degree --

THE PRESIDENT: Kitchen table.

MR. LAMB: What?

THE PRESIDENT: Kitchen table. Like em? Like kitchen tables?

MR. LAMB: They're okay. Back to me... I had a degree in accounting. In fact, it was in economics, and I didn't know a piece of steel from a two-by-four.

THE PRESIDENT: Yeah. I don't either

MR. LAMB: That's how it started.

THE PRESIDENT: That's how what started? (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. 

MR. LAMB: Sedalia Steel Supply. We presently have 40 employees.

THE PRESIDENT: Forty, good. Two hundred would be better. At least less pitiful. I usually don't talk to folks this low on the chain.

MR. LAMB: We've added three new employs this year.

THE PRESIDENT: Well, big whoop. I've added three million. Let me tell you all something interesting about Wayne's business. He is called a Subchapter S corporation. That is an accounting term, or legal term -- legal term?

MR. LAMB: Yes, it's a legal term.

THE PRESIDENT: Legal term. You and I aren't lawyers. Are we? Think quick, Wayne-boy.

MR. LAM: No, sir. (Applause.) Uh, thank you, thank you very much. I guess.

THE PRESIDENT: A Subchapter S corporation, like a sole proprietorship, pays taxes at the individual income tax level. You know where I'm going with this, don't you? Yada yada tax break. Raising taxes is the wrong thing to do right now in America. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much.

AUDIENCE: Four-more years! Four-more years! Four-more years!

THE PRESIDENT: Sure. Okay, got a little work to do. And I'm bored with old Wayne here. We've got another lucky winner who saved money on her taxes: Ellyn Wilson. Tell us what you do, Ellyn. Keep it short. Interesting job she's got. Keep it sweet. Interesting jobs she's got. Bunch of em. Be better if she could keep a husband.

MS. WILSON: Mr. President, I work three jobs. I'm a single mom, which is a full-time job, anyway.

THE PRESIDENT: That's not a real job, Ellyn. I think you know that. Is that ugly child your daughter?

MS. WILSON: Yes, this is Hannah.

THE PRESIDENT: Listen to your mom, Hannah. Hannah Hannah, Bonana,  bananaramamomana, Hannah.  (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. I know my name game. (Laughter.)

MS. WILSON: And this is my son, Caleb Wilson. He's eight.

THE PRESIDENT: Caleb. That's a retard name. Fantastic. What do you do, Mom? You don't mind if I just call you Mom, do you? I mean, with all these fabulous kids. Any of em legitimate? So what's your other job?

MS. WILSON: I am a music teacher. This is my 14th year starting. That's my full-time position.

THE PRESIDENT: Fourteen years and you're just starting? Sounds like you've got the makings of a president. How'd you like to be the first girl president?

MS. WILSON: And I made a change this year...

THE PRESIDENT: That's fine, Evelyn. It's what we call a rhetorical question. She's a real marketer, isn't she folks. (Laughter.)

MS. WILSON: And my part-time job is out of my home. I'm a Mary Kay consultant, and I'm working my way up to a star recruiter, and working my way up in the business.

THE PRESIDENT: Running her own business. Wowie zowie. You must be hyperactive, Elvira, just listening makes me tired. She's a sole proprietor. Got her own business -- kind of the American way, isn't it? You bet it is. You got any more horn tootin to do, little miss?

MS. WILSON: And I love to serve the Lord at what I do, and I'm church pianist at First Baptist Church, Sedalia, Missouri. (Applause.)

THE PRESIDENT: Yeah, yeah, can't shut her up. She saved $1,000 on tax relief, and I'll personally give you another grand if you can close that yap for thirty seconds. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much. It's incredibly hard work to be a single mom. I know. I used to be one. The tax relief helps single moms -- $1,000. That's one zero zero zero point zero zero.

MS. WILSON: And I got braces for my kids. It's helped a lot.

THE PRESIDENT: Looks like Eddie just missed out on that extra moolah. Did you ever see such a windbag? (Laughter.)

MS. WILSON: With my Mary Kay supplies, as well. So it really helped...

THE PRESIDENT: Moving right along. Let's talk to another prepositioned common person out here in our over-inflated audience. Dang, there must be ten, twelve thousand of you here today. Before I talk about how to make the world a safer place, I want to ask Dr. Don Allcorn, who is with us today, to stand up. (Applause.) Strapping fellow, isn't he? I've asked Don to come today, because we have an issue in this country. People who can't beat me arm-wrestling. I'll tell you a true story. I've broken the bones of several simple folks who have made the serious mistake of taking on the mighty Bush right arm. And you know what they do? They take out frivolous lawsuits. We've got an issue with these frivolous lawsuits that are making it difficult for people to arm wrestle in America. And this just isn't in the case in Missouri, this is all over the country. I'm telling you, too many good docs who are getting sued time and time and time again by crybaby cranks who say they can't get the kinks out after surgery, and make no mistake about it, it runs your cost up.  I want to -- Don, what kind of medicine do you practice? Arm medicine?

MR. ALLCORN: I'm a brainologist in Lincoln, which is about 20 miles south of here. It's a town of about 900.

THE PRESIDENT: Nine hundred.

MR. ALLCORN: Nine hundred.

THE PRESIDENT: Hmm. 286 times 3... Well, that's -- about three times bigger than Crawford.

MR. ALLCORN: That's right. Just ask the brainologist. (Laughter.)

THE PRESIDENT: Well, thanks for coming. And so, give us -- tell people what it's like. I mean -- are there a lot of brains in Lincoln that require medical assistance?

MR. ALLCORN: Not really, but -- my dream, as I was going through undergraduate and then medical school, was to practice in a small town, raise a family there. I think it's a good place to be. We've only got one trial lawyer, so frivolous law...

THE PRESIDENT: Uh huh. Is this your family here?

MR. ALLCORN: I have my family here with me. Four daughters, and my lovely wife.

THE PRESIDENT: She sure is. (Applause.) I'd do her in a minute. If it wasn't for the first lady, that is. And the law of Jesus Christ. (Laughter.)

MR. ALLCORN: My wife has a Master's degree in nursing education, and she chose to be a stay-at-home mom, and has done that for the last 19 years.

THE PRESIDENT: Good. (Applause.) Thank you, Thank you very much. That's just great. So her folks work hard to send her to college, and she gets her Master's degree, and she sits home on her ass. Good. So let's get to the point. Do you hate trial lawyers like John Edwards who threaten your livelihood with frivolous lawsuits? I know I do, but feel free to answer on your own.

MR. ALLCORN: It's not a real issue these days, because I don't have any patients. I probably should move some place where they have a hospital, but I just like Lincoln...  

THE PRESIDENT: Yeah. So basically you're an idiot. You're working in a place where you can't do any brainology operations and your wife sits on her ass all day. Jeez. I always wonder how people find the time to come to these rallies in the middle of the week. Heh. Vote for me. I think that's four times.

Listen, citizens of Sedalia, sorry bout not answering many questions, but I really do have to go, otherwise the people will be waiting. The people in the next town. The good people in the next town. Yeah. I've got to see a man about a dog. And it's Taco night. I hate to keep people waiting. Laura's a people. So God bless you. I'm sure your questions were bright American questions, so just assume I gave the good answer, not the evil answer, but the American one. Thanks for your time. Get out and vote. (Applause.) Thank you, thank you very much.

2004, Mark Hoback