Joe Lieberman: Insufferable Crybaby or Nattering Nabob?

Presidential candidate Joe Lieberman continues to irritate good people everywhere with his whining about former VP Al Gore's endorsement of Howard Dean. Proving that he is a 'Uniter, not a Divider', Republicans and Democrats alike were united in muttering "Shut up, Joe" to his every sound byte.

"The choice in this campaign has become clear," said the annoying Connecticut senator. "Al Gore and Howard Dean want to take this country back. I want to take it forward." The country reportedly yawned.

Lieberman barely contained his fury as he talked to reporters at Benjamin's Retreat, an upper-class bar in Durham. Blindsided... Blindsided by the man who placed him a heartbeat away from the presidency, Lieberman's angst at not being forewarned of the endorsement was further fueled when Gore called him for a four minute phone conversation.

"I was surprised that slimy sonofabitch didn't notify me about it before I had to hear all the excruciating details from Fox News. That would have been the right thing to do. Not that he knows right from wrong.  I was surprised that Al Gore would endorse a candidate who stands for so many things Al Gore has not stood for. That dirty, dirty bird."

"I don't have anything to say today about Al Gore's nonexistent sense of loyalty. I really don't. Except to tell you that we like to call him Albert, like in Einstein, because he is so very smart. He invented the internet, you know," said Lieberman, ordering another  vodka martini with four olives. "See these olives? Each one of them represents a piece of Al Gores soul. I'm eating them.. Look at me, I'm eating Al Gore's soul."

"I'll let you in on a little secret. The election, the one in 2000, the one we all say was stolen by the Republicans - well, it really wasn't stolen. Albert lost it."

 

2003, Mark Hoback