tony and george

"So, you think that the UN is gonna help us out a little more next year? Give us more of a hand? What's your take on it, Tony."

"I don't know... I'm sure deep down they prefer your leadership a lot more than that of Senator Kerry..."

"Old Botox Face."

"I do think there's still a lot of hard feelings towards us at the U.N. You know, Britain used to be respected there... It might take some serious kowtowing."

"Not going to be any kowtowing here, boy. I don't kowtow to nobody. How bout you, Tony? You a kowtower?"

"Not a frequent kowtower, Mister President, but at least it is in my vocabulary. You sure you wouldn't be willing to kowtow just a little?"


"I understand."

"I knew you would, Tony. England is a littler country than America is. Being a little country - and may I just add that you guys float - sometimes you might find yourself in a position where it might be in your best interest to kowtow a little bit. But I've got to give you a lot of credit, man. You sure didn't kowtow to Osausage when he made that peace offer, did you. The one for Scotland. Remember that?"

"Who's Osausage?"

"Bin Laden. That's my nickname for him. You feel free to use that one, okay. Always gets a chuckle."

"Mmm, okay."

"Be glad when we get these elections out of the way. When's yours again?"

"Not until..."

"Mine's in two weeks. Two weeks from today. Yeah... Whoo, boy. You gonna have one?"

"One what."

"An election. You know. Like me. Two weeks. Gonna whump some flip-floppin ass."

"I don't know..."

"Yeah, got you. Couple months ago I was thinking we might not have an election either. Tossed that idea out, though."

"Good thing you did, Mister President."

"Right, right, woulda been a big disaster. Much better just to say we won no matter what happens."


"Yeah, we just say we won, that's all. No biggie. Just like last time, but I don't think we need to be so secretive about it. I think the American people are willing to give a lot of latitude to a brave commander in chief who's looking after them in the middle of a doggone war. Who are they gonna believe, the President of the United States or the sycophants of the biggest flip-flopper ever to be on the left bank side of Bedhead Kennedy. And what are they going to do about it, anyway? Take us to court?"

"Mmm. A certain logic..."

"Well, Tony, seems like we've still got a real mess on our hands in Iraq, don't we?"

"Yes sir, we certainly do."

"Not a bad mess, though. God forbid. And he does! I wouldn't call it a bad mess. Cause it's grounded in good solid thinking, and people are coming together. You could call it the kind of a mess that makes the future less messier and more safer."

"I wish I lived in the future."

"Yeah, that would be real exciting, to live in the future. How far in the future would you like to live, Tony? Wait. Don't answer that. Let me give a guess. I'll bet you'd like to live in the year 3009."

"I think you've done a little kowtowing in your time, Mister President. I've pondered on it... I think you've kowtowed somewhat to Ariel Sharon."

"Bullshit. You didn't answer my question, Tonio. Bout the future. When in the future would you like to live the best?"

"I suppose 3009 would be just fine."

"Damn fine year, 3009. By then we'll all have flying cars and colonies on Uranus and talking cabbages."

"Talking cabbages?"

"You know, all the DNA and split cell research. Now, let's get back to politics. If I'm not mistaken, you just called me a kowtower a minute ago."

"I was suggesting that you may have kowtowed a very small amount to Mister Sharon."

"Did not. You know what I think of when I hear the word kowtower?"


"Nah, I think of a bunch of cows in a pyramid, standing on each other's shoulders. That just breaks me up."


"Well, Tony, this was a real good meeting, and I just want to reiterate the fact that you are America's very best friend, and we really appreciate you guys a lot."

"You're very welcome."

"Ready for the camera guys?"

2004, Mark Hoback