"Can you feel it? Can you feel the excitement?"

"The, uh, excitement of holding your hand?"

"No. Hell no. I'm talkin' bout the excitement that we in this country call Red Sox Fever. They're burnin' up the ballpark They're baseball magic all ready to pop out of a hat, that's the excitement that I'm talkin' about."

"I fear that perhaps I lack sufficient knowledge of the game to share your enthusiasm."

"Well that's your problem right there, Recep. This isn't a game, this is a practice. If it was a game, there'd be thousands of screamin' fans in the stands, much like that game you guys play."

"Soccer. Yes, I see, but in Turkey we don't really don't subject foreign heads of state to watching practice."

"That's cause you're not the President of the United States with your own personal feed from Fenway Park."

"True enough. However there are very important issues that we need to discuss..."

"Are you talkin' about that genocide resolution, again? Because I'll reiterate what I've said before... who gives a crap about the Ottoman Empire? Now hush up, Ramirez is getting ready to take a few balls."

"Do not hush me up, George, the Armenian lobby has..."

"Whoa. Let me interrupt right there. I don't recall sayin' that you could call me George. You can call me President Bush, or the less formal Mister President since you're sittin' in my living room and drinking my Diet Cokes."

"Oh really? In that case you can call me Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan."

".........George it is. Okay, Recep, Condi tells me the whole Ottoman Empire thing is, what, about a hundred years ago?. I don't know why you still care, and I really really don't know why the House cares, maybe they've run out of Post Offices to name or something. I'm about halfway to believin' in that Armenian lobby you were talking about. Wow, Ramirez really blasted that one out of the park. One more time, Manny, do it for papa."

"I want to reinforce to you the importance of this issue to the Turkish people. It could significantly damage the relationship between our countries. For starters, we would reduce or eliminate access to our borders by your military."

"Well, Recep, I don't think I'd let my mouth write any checks that my ass couldn't cash, if you catch my drift. Whoa, check out the power on that line drive. Looks like it just about took Mike Lowell's glove off. Anyway, I'll see what I can do with the House, okay? Use a little of the old political capital, twist a few arms. But for now, if you don't want to watch the practice, at least let me enjoy it."

"We haven't even discussed the Kurds, yet. Turkey is nearing a decision to cross the Iraq border and take out the Kurdistan Workers Party."

"Aw, you don't want to go there. Take it from me, the place is a quagmire. And the Kurds are the good Iraqis, they never bother anyone."

"They bother the Turkish people! They keep coming across the border and killing us! What would you do?"

"What would I do? I'd turn up the volume, Recep. That's David 'Big Papi' Ortiz comin' up to the plate."


2007, Mark Hoback