Sure, I get to look at it.
I get to look at meat all day.

I get to smell it.
I even get to touch it

But do I ever get to taste it? The sizzling Grade A goodness packed into every delicious bite of a steak from Ruth's Chris Steak House has never passed the lips of this meat inspector before.

It was Sean Hannity that drove me to it. Hannity with his endless chatter about Ruth's Chris and their succulent meats. Sounded like he was gettin' some most every night.

It was a warm may night in Rochester. The department had me at a beefalo seminar in Rochester. On my petty per diem, all I could afford was a lousy cheeseburger and a brew at Ruby Tuesdays - a Ruby Tuesdays which just happened to be across the street from Ruth's Chris. A slap in the face that I wasn't going to take. I strode in and hid behind a potted plant. And waited. And then it appeared - A succulent 12 ounce fillet, medium rare. I approached the table and drew out my badge.

"John J Benson, Food Inspector. I need to see that steak and I need to see it right now. Put it in a doggy bag and back away slowly."

The waiter did as I said. I guess he knew better than to mess with a Food Inspector.

I took it back to my motel room where I ate it with a plastic fork and knife. It was delicious.

You know that guy Hannity, he really has his head screwed on right.


2006, Mark Hoback