Hammer Time!

 

If I had a hammer,
I'd hammer in the mornin,
I'd hammer in the evenin,
ouch! that was my hand.

Hey, you, First Aid dude, get over here and take a look at my finger. Think I could get a Tylenol or something, big guy?

I'd hammer out danger. Huh. How silly is that? I do hammer out danger, forty hours a week. Sometimes more. Sometimes less. Hey, Henri, yo house be lookin good.

Do Do Da Da Dooo Dooo, I'd hammer out a warnin - look out people, here comes a storm... Duck duck duck, ah don't you worry, the hammerin president is here, and I believe I've already mentioned that I hammer out danger.

Now let me hammer out one of my patented warnings for your entertainment. Hey, Congress, what the heck are you thinkin, messin up the Big Easy with your revoltin inaction. Lawd, Lawd, I'm tellin you straight, Jack, you best get up off your big easy asses and fully fund my buddies on the bayou, else'n it's gonna be hammer time on your collective noggins. People sick o' y'all, ya barkless Basenjis.

Well, look who's here. It's The Hammer.

Hey there, Mister Hammering President. I heard you hammering and rushed right over to see what was happening. Look at this place! By God, you've got this town looking better than ever. Hand me one of those hammers and I'll help you out.

Help me out? Whoa, Hammer, I'll help you out. You know what I did this Tuesday? I flew all the way to Texas just to vote for you in that primary. And with my help, you hammered your opponents. Cost the taxpayers a pretty penny for me to vote in person, but they like to see their president vote on his way to the ranch. A penny ain't nothin, ain't nothin but a word, and that's all it cost per taxpayer to send ole Air Force One a'soarin. It's all good. All right, Tommy Boy, how bout joinin me for my song.

If I had a hammer,
I'd hammer in the mornin,
I'd hammer in the evenin,
Say who is that man?

Don't worry, President Hammer. Ain't nobody but me, MC Hammer.

 

Hey, Hammer. You still the bomb, brother. Take a load off and meet The Hammer.

 

Hey, Hammer.

 

Hey, Hammer.

Forget that stuff about taking a load off, I'm here to do some hammering of my own. Look out, I'm about to bust a move.

That's mighty white of you, Hammer.

 

Think nothing about it, Hammer, it's not like I have anything else to do. And lest you think I missed it, that was a mighty funny joke. Cracker.

Boys, boys, you both my Hammer. Don't you know that in order to play the Star Spangled Banner, you need both the white keys and the dark keys? Now why don't you both join me in a song. One two three four...

They call me The Hammer

 

I'm President Hammer

 

And I'm MC Hammer

 

Ouch! My other hand

 

It's the hammer of justice

 

It's the hammer of freedom

 

It's the hammer of love between the brothers and sisters

 

Ooh ooh!

All over this land!
 

Okay, what asshole invited Kanye?

 


 

 

2006, Mark Hoback