Hey, Hamid... Hamid... Open the door, Hamid!

Hold on... Hold on,  Just a minute.. Jeez, what time is it? Coming.... Just let me get my robe... grumble... Boosh! George Boosh! What are you doing here?

Surprise! How you doing, Hamid? ...Wha'd I do? Catch you sleeping on the job?

Well, it is three o'clock in the morning, so if I were to be slumbering it should come as no shock. But, uh, welcome. Welcome to democratic Afghanistan. Won't you please come in.

Don't mind if I do. Hold a sec... Hey Laura, get out of the car. He's home...

Oh, the first lady is here too? What a surprise. An unexpected surprise, but a surprise none the less.


Oh yes, surprise. This is indeed a surprise. May I say that you look as lovely as ever.

Why, yes you may, Hamid, but don't be shocked if George decides to put your ass in a sling.

Heh, heh, heh, that wife of mine. That's some mouth she has on her, isn't it.

Heh, heh, yes. I would describe it as a very kissable mouth, if I may be so bold.

I'd think twice about that, Hamster. I'll have my troops out of this country so fast it'll make your head spin. Hey, I've got a couple other folks with me that you know. Come on in, Rummy.


Oh my, the surprises keep on coming, don't they? Let me have my manservant bring us all some coffee... We need java, Tattoo.

Right away, boss.

We brought you a little something, Hamster. It's a little symbol of the friendship between America and the Afghani people.

Uh, very nice Mister President. It's, uh... my goodness, just what is this object!?

It's a Slinky, you moron. Surprise!


Mister Dick Cheney, I did not hear you come in. Ahh, I suppose my guards are sleeping on the job again. But thank you very much for the Slinky.

It's not just any old Slinky either, Hamid. It's the fiftieth anniversary edition. Gold plated. You know, now that you've got a democracy, you're gonna find that you have a lot more time for fun and recreation. And for fun, it's hard to beat a Slinky... Boy... I'm famished. Think you could rustle up some grub?

I'm sure that we can do much better than grubs, Mister President. Tattoo!

I'm coming, boss. Your coffee is almost ready. Five more minutes.

Very good, Tattoo. Now if you would be so kind, would you fix us all something to eat. Our guests are very hungry after their journey from America.

I'd appreciate it if you could whip us some chicken wings while your at it, little fella. I've got a bunch of hungry guards outside, and I don't think there's an open pizza joint in all of Kabul.

Grrr... I'll see what I can do, boss's boss.

And maybe a couple of chicken thighs for Barney.


Where is Barney, anyway?

Screw Barney.


The last I saw him, he was outside playing with Bono.


Surprise! And look who I've got with me.


Arf. Arf arf arf.


Isn't that cute? He's saying 'Surprise!'

Whoa. I've had about as many surprises as a man can take in one day. Please forgive me as I now return to bed in preparation for a very busy day.

Go for it, Hamster. I'm sure that we can make ourselves right at home



2006, Mark Hoback