The 8,175th Temptation of Christ
 

Well, Sir, I sure do appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule to meet with me this afternoon. I reckon that Dana has already briefed you on the general outlines of the proposal that I'm making... Can I get you something to drink? A diet Coke or a cup of coffee or something?
A glass of wine would be nice.
Karl, you mind telling the steward to bring in a bottle of something good for Mister Christ? So anyway, Jesus, what we're looking at here is a way to avoid a disaster for the Republic party.
Disasters are bad.
You got that right. And I would just like to ask you to take a look at the Republic presidential field. Giuliani, McCain, Romney, Thompson... whole bunch of others... thing is, there's not a heir apparent in the entire lot of them, not what with, you know, the Democrats painting us into a corner with that whole Iraq thing and all.
They painted you into a corner, did they?
They sure did, old buddy, and at this point I just don't think that without... I don't know... it's depressing... you know, I try to keep up a strong front for the American people, and... sometimes even the president of the United States can get the blues...
I understand.
I know you do, and I want you to know that I appreciate it. So... what I'd like to ask of you is if you would consider stepping in to be my vice president.
Oh, I doubt very seriously that Cheney would voluntarily step down.
He would if you asked him, I just know it. Now, hear me out on this...
Go on.
Well, just imagine it, what a team. George and Jesus. Together we could accomplish anything, even fix Social Security. And here's the best part. With a little experience as the Veep, you'd be a shoe in as the next president. What do you think?
I'm very flattered. But George, you know I've been offered earthly power before.
But that was by the Devil!
Yeah, it sure was, and you should have seen his face when I turned him down. Old Beelzebub had steam coming out of his ears!
Heh heh, man, I woulda liked to have seen that! So, what you say? You and me, we're talking about a team made in Heaven!
George, George, it's really not that easy. First of all, I'm not a United States citizen.
Not a problem, Jesus, not a problem. We'll just fix the Constitution. Or ignore it.
I know, George, I know. But see, there's an even bigger problem. I'm not corporeal.
Corporeal?
Right. It means that I don't have a physical material body, so most people can't see me and hear me the way you can.
Really?
Really. So I would seem to have no choice but to decline your offer.
Oh...
Sorry.
I don't suppose you'd know whether Moses is busy or not, would you?

 

2007, Mark Hoback