Mighty slow news day...

You can have your world peace. All I want is a good friggin story.

I picked up something on the scanner that gave me hope. Sounded like 'Boy falls down well'.

Turned out to be nothing. It was a girl and she fell outside of a motel. Kid was gone before I ever got there.

I'm telling you, it was driving me crazy. I hadn't had a scoop all day.

My pal Bernie rang me up from the NYPD. Said Boy George was sweeping the streets this morning for community service.

Bernie was right on the money, but about 400 other reporters beat me to the story.