...and I want to assure you guys that even though I'm graciously having you here to lunch, there is no compromise whatsoever possible in my demand for a clean funding bill. Zero. Zip. Nada.

Totally nonexistent, is it?

Compromise with you two would give our enemies the victory they so desperately want.

Mister President, I would respectfully point out to you that our job is to carry forth the will of the American people, and that we insist that you listen to concerns of the people who say that your policies in Iraq have failed and that we need to change course.

You need to change course. I'll tell you what, little missy, you keep talking like that and it won't be long till those American people that you're so crazy that they start thinking of you as the new Natasha Romanova.

Huh?

Don't be coy with me, Nancy Pelosi. Natasha Romanova, The Black Widow, the traitor who held Tony Stark hostage.

Tony Stark?

Don't read much for a guy named Reid, do ya Reid?

That's not true, Mister President. Every morning I read the Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal, along with numerous periodicals and...

But you obviously don't read The Invincible Iron Man or you'd know that rich industrialist Tony Stark was Iron Man's secret identity. Or at least it was till Black Widow revealed it to the world.

I see.

He gave that bitch her own set of Iron Man armor, even gave her a set of nanites which were bonded to her skin to control the armor.

So I suppose you could say in a very real sense that he sowed the seeds of his own downfall. Quite an impressive allegory.

Don't you get smart with me, Nancy Pelosi. George W Bush doesn't do allegories. Natasha Romanova not only screwed over Tony Stark, she also revealed that Bruce Banner was in reality The Incredible Hulk, and she framed Thor for freakin' murder!

She, uh... Maybe we could return to our discussion about the way forward in Iraq.

I don't think you're listening to what I'm saying here, boss lady. Thor isn't just some dime store superhero, he's a living god, and Black Widow framed him. The bitch set him up.

That's... unfortunate. Can we have some ribs now?

Not until you finish your salad. That's fresh arugula in there, comes all the way from Veneto. See, Tony Stark represents America even more than Captain America. Sure, that may seem counter-intuitive to you, but it's true.

These anchovies are to die for.

Hard to imagine what sort of morale dampening metaphor that was supposed to be, but I'm going to be a gentleman and tell you they came from the coast of Sicily. The one thing you need to know about Iron Man is his deep hatred for communism. And so what does he do? Goes and falls in love with Natasha Romanova, a commie. It's one crazy mixed up world, I tell you. That's why we've got to stay the course in Iraq.

I don't really see the connection.

Of course you don't. That's because you don't have access to the same information that the President of the United States does. What if I told you that our intelligence has proof that Iran is supplying seventy percent of the weaponry and forty percent of the manpower currently used by the insurgency in Iraq?

I would probably ask to see some sort of independent confirmation for any such claim.

Natasha Pelosi, you are no longer welcome in this house. Go now, far away from my table.

Come on, Harry, let's leave this madman on his own.

You go on ahead, Nancy. I'm really hungry for some ribs.

You know, Harry, I can work pretty well with the Senate, but the House is just too full of nut jobs.

©2007, Mark Hoback