Come on, Mushie, take my arm.

 

I do not wish to take your frigging arm. Quit asking me to do so. In my country, it is seen as... Ah, never mind. You Americans are such libertines, you would never understand.

I bet I understand better than you imagine. I finally saw Brokeback Mountain, if you know what I mean. Laura's choice, not mine. Had to, it's a cultural phenomenon. A tipping point, that's what Laura says. Hey, do you get free movies? That's one of the things I like about bein' president. If I'm flippin' through Entertainment Weekly and I see something that looks good, I just put out the word and the next thing you know I got a tub of popcorn and a frosty cold CountryTime. It's like magic. Last week I saw 'Big Mama's House 2', and it was even better than the first one. You a Martin Lawrence fan, Mushie?

I do not know this Lawrence person, Mister President, and I find this entire conversation inane. You have been talking about the Oscars ever since you arrived in my country. And for God's sake, will you please quit calling me Mushie.

Wow. Your reputation as an international sourpuss is well deserved.
 

Harumph.

 

Well, we can't both be Mister President, can we? Here, take my arm.


Tee hee.

 

Look. Now you've got my guards laughing at me.

 

Hey you. Yeah, you with the mustache. Mister Ugly. Let me tell you somethin' - you ain't got nothin to snicker at, you in your pretty red dress and silly-ass hat. And let me tell you somethin' else. Condi's got a pair of boots just exactly like yours, pretty boy.

 

 

Well? You gonna say somethin', or you just gonna stand there with that stupid look on your face?


 

Please, Mister President. My guards are not allowed to speak unless I give them the order.


Do it. Do it. Give him freedom of speech right now. And order him not to fight back if I decide to kick his ass.


Sigh... All right, Punjab. Permission to speak. And no fighting back.

 

American pig.

 

Oink, oink, you ugly turd burglar. It's clobberin' time. Take this. And this. Here's your knuckle sandwich, mustache face. Take this and that and this and that and this. And one more for Old Glory.

You have really laid him out, Mister President. I'm going to have to pay him time and a half for today.


Yeah, well, what's another fifty cents?

 

Ha ha ha ha ha.

 

President Musharraf, may I kick him while he's down?

 

Be my guest, Madame President.

 

Oof.

 

You don't mess with Texas! Now here, Mushie, take my arm. The photographer is gettin' antsy.
 

 

2006, Mark Hoback