Real Life Drama: 'Press Conference of Terror'

As told by Dana Milbank
Featuring Scatman Cruthers as Jim Rutenberg.

At first it seemed like just an ordinary press conference. The Prez was happy with his no strings Iraq bill, and before long he was jamming on his all time favorite bit - the omnipresence of al-Qaeda.

David Gregory asked the Prez about something. I've got to tell the truth here. It was a beautiful day and I was thinking about my three day weekend, and I totally missed his question.

But I surely did not miss the president's answer.

"Ignore al-Qaeda? They are a threat to your children, David. Next question, Jim."

I was flabbergasted. Flabbergasted. Jesus Christ, I love that word.. My head spun. I had meant to ask the Prez about housing starts, but now all I could think of were my colleague's children.

"Mister President, are you're saying that Dave's kids are in trouble?"

His words hit me like a shot of cold caffeine hurled into a bloodshot eye.

"It's a danger to your children, Jim. al-Qaeda wants to kill them too."

But I had no children, which meant the Prez could only be referring to one thing.

 

 

My
chow chow Little Bear!

The Prez had finally done it. He had managed to personalize the war in a way that even I,
a journalist, could understand.

"Okay, I've got time for just one more question."

"Helen?"


 

"Mister President.
are you saying that
Jim's dog is
in trouble?"

 

2007, Mark Hoback