Karl.......Karl......Karl.......KARRRLLL!!!"

 

Woo woo woo woo... Coming... Woo woo woo woo... Almost there... Woo woo woo woo... What is it boss? I heard you holler.

Sit down, Karl. My goodness, you look a little red in the face. You feelin okay?


Doing fine, boss. Just a little winded. I ran all the way from the Executive Office Building.


And it took you seventeen seconds? We got to get you in shape there, boy. No room for laggards in this man's White House. Now take a load off. Here, wanna forty-ounce? It's an eight ball.

An eight ball?



Yeah, Turd Blossom, an Olde English 800. High gravity. Get with it Karl. That's what Easy E drinks. Tupac too, God rest his soul. Anyway, I hear you've got the latest ratings.

Uh... Oops, I guess I left them at the Capitol. Hold on... Woo woo woo woo... Look out Doris, I'm coming through... Woo woo woo woo... Hey buddy, learn how to drive... Woo woo woo woo... Hey, Denny, seen my papers? Great! Thanks... Woo woo woo woo...
Coming, boss... Woo woo woo woo... Almost there... Woo woo woo woo... Whew. I guess I'm ready for that forty now.

Here you go. Hold on, I'll get you a clean paper bag... Now, I'm lookin for some good news, Karl, I'm lookin for some rockin good news.


And good news you shall have. Let's see what we've got. Okay, here's the CBS / New York Times poll... and it shows you running at a very strong 34% job approval...

I'd rather be president that be popular.

Fortunate, that... and, mmm... your core is holding well. Only a little drift there. This says that 52% of conservatives still think you're doing a good job.

That's over half!

 

Indeed it is. And really, the best news of all is that this is a CBS / New York Times poll, so we can be pretty darn sure that their numbers are skewed.

Make sure you include that in the official talkin points file. What else do you have? Getting any good vibrations from the trooperoonies?

Yes sir, there is some new data on the trooperoonies. The new Zogby poll shows that 72% of our forces think that we should get the hell out of Iraq by the end of the year.

But not all of those want to leave immediately, do they?


Not at all, not at all. Only 29% feel that way, while another 43% are willing to give you six months or so. And of course, there's the 28% who would like to stay until Hell freezes over.

Bless their hearts. That's the sort of spirit that makes your heart swell with pride. But I tell you what, Karl. Don't just give me the good news. I'm the 'take charge president'. I want the good and the bad.

Okay, then... This new BBC poll of over 40,000 people in thirty-five countries says that 60% of the responders believe that you've caused terror attacks to be more likely, against just 12% who think terrorist attacks have become less likely.

Wow. WOW! You're tellin me that there's 28% who don't have an opinion? Oh my God, Karl, that's a lot of potential hearts and minds that we can win over. Well you have made my day, Rovester. It's just one good news story after another... Why do you think the news media never focus on the positive side of things?

I really couldn't tell you, sir. They must be missing a large piece of spine.

 

2006, Mark Hoback