If you had told me six months ago that we would be campaigning on our duty to torture, I'd think you had been smoking the wacky weed.

Many citizens don't like to admit that we're living in a different world, one filled with sinister shadowy characters, who want nothing more than to do us harm. We need to be able to use every weapon in our arsenal, and then some.

The last time there was a lot of evil in the world was way back in the middle ages. The middle of what, that's my question. We're just talking a few hundred years ago, and everybody knows that the world is at least six thousand years old.

Here's a fun fact. Waterboarding is much the same as it was in medieval days. You can't improve on the classics. Just imagine the pathos. The guy with the beard is saying... hold on, they all have beards except the evil guy. The guy with the pitcher is saying 'Arrr. You are filled with wicked spirits and wish to do us harm' and the evil guy is saying 'My tongue will never loosen for you, Christian dog' and the guy with the hat is saying 'I'll give him about fifteen seconds, what you think?'

Do you remember Abu Grahib? For a short while many citizens were upset by the images that the media chose to use in exploiting our resolve.

Everyone calmed down pretty quickly, though, when they realized that all we ever wanted was their safety.

See these lovely girls...
Do you imagine them to be in pain? Of course not. They are creating beauty, much as the Republican Party is committed to creating truth.

Beauty is truth, truth beauty. That is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.




2006, Mark Hoback