Give me the secret handshake and we'll proceed inside.
What's up, Dick? Haven't seen you since the barbeque at the Hendersons.

Jesus, John, do you have to bring that idiot with you everywhere you go?

Sir! Would you like me to throw Senator Lieberman out on his keister, sir?
No, Martinez, I trust Joe explicitly. He's just an irritating little prick, that's all. Okay, McCain, you want ideas, we got ideas. Martinez, put Rove back up on the monitor.
Hi guys! Hey boss, what's Lieberman doing there?
Ixnay, Karl. I oldtay ouyay ootay ebay alonay, otnay ithway residentpay rissypay!
Boy, someone needs to do some real brushing up on their pig Latin. What am I supposed to do, he's the president. And if Lieberman gets to sit in on the meeting, then it's only fair to let the president stay.

What's this all about, Dick?
The big boys don't want you to blow this election, John. That would be real bad news for all of us. Rove has come up with a plan that can help you win, and maybe even restore our majority in Congress. Explain it, Rove.
Okay, Senator, I think you're going to like this, what with you being a maverick and all. You've been saying lately that in order to get a domestic energy plan, you might be willing to, ahem, compromise. What if I told you that if you don't compromise, you'll come out a winner?
Not compromising sounds great, but wouldn't I seem like an obstructionist? I mean, the American people really want that psychological boost that only new drilling can provide.
Oh, absolutely, they surely do, and they'll handsomely reward anybody who gives it to them. That's why the Democrats want to hurry up and compromise, and why you shouldn't capitulate. Capiche?
No I don't capiche, I don't capiche at all. This is a chance for us to finally get a little bit of new offshore drilling passed.
We don't want a little bit of offshore drilling, you idiot, we want a lot. Don't you ever read any of the legislation that you vote on?

John is not an idiot...

What Mister Cheney is saying is that the ban on drilling is only passed one year at a time, which means that it expires at the end of September, which means that in a few weeks - right before the election - the president will be able to say 'Okay, boys, drill away'!

Holy cow, Karl! That smells like legacy!
So we just make sure that the GOP doesn't compromise, and we win by default? But won't the Dems just try and attach a new ban to budget legislation or something like that?
Not this year, with America crying out for cheaper gas. Not with the people standing firm in their support of Big Oil. Not with a real maverick leading the opposition.
And if they do, I'll just veto it. Like, you know, tough titty.
They'll probably try to include it the ban on an omnibus spending measure designed to keep the government open past September.
Tough titty, tough titty, shut the motherfucker down! We'll see who's left standing on election day after those Social Security checks don't go out.
Uh... That would be me, wouldn't it? That's a... I mean, thanks for the idea and everything, but uh... it's kind of a cynical and manipulative idea,  I mean, you know, for a maverick like myself. But thanks again, and I'm sure I'll see you guys again sometime soon.

Damn it to hell, that man seems totally incorruptible. What does it take? You've failed me again, Satan.

I'm sorry, Dick, I was...
I'm not talking to you, you imbecile, I'm talking to Turd Blossom.

Uh, oh... Signing off.
Say, did John leave without me? We were supposed to go to the Nationals/Twins game...


2008, Mark Hoback