February 17, 2009

Mister President? I'm not too early, am I? I didn't want to be late for this historic meeting.
Not at all, General Petraeus. Come on in and have a seat. I'm not sure how historic this is really going to be, but I thought we might as well give it a try.
Sir, President Ahmadinejad and his monkey just arrived. Should I show them in?
Thank you, Secretary Clinton. You two can come on in, but tell Mahmoud that he's going to have to leave the monkey with one of the guards.
I never thought I'd live to see the day when the US military had to babysit a monkey.
Buck up, General. It's no different than what you've been doing for the past eight years. Now sit back and lets hope for the best. Here they come...
Gentlemen! So very happy to meet you... Okay, woman, please now to leave the room.
President Ahmadinejad, I am the Secretary of State, and I'm not going anywhere.
You let woman attend meeting, and yet Bobo stays with guard? Already things are going not so well.
Mister President, I would appreciate it if you made an effort to not make Hillary mad. Now the reason that we arranged this personal meeting - and I want to stress that there are many who urged against it - is to see if we can reasonably discuss Iran's...
Much too fast, much too fast. Where are all the little niceties that accompany diplomacy? Where is cheese platter? Where is plate of dates?
I'll see what I can whip up, boss.
Thank you, Tattoo. Okay, I want to discuss Iran's nuclear capabilities and see if we can begin to lay out a roadmap for...
Pardon my giggling, but I am feeling rather appeased at the moment. You invite me into your nice big house, you are preparing cuisine in my honor...

Listen here, buddy, we don't do appeasement.
I am just offering him a snack. Now if we can get down to business here...
You wish to know if it is my intention to attack the festering corpse known as Israel, that abomination beyond all abominations. That is your question? My answer is no. Iran is a peace loving nation that sometimes gets a little antsy. And we do not have any nuclear weapons, but if we did, hey, a country has a right to defend itself against the Zionists? Am I right?
Pardon the interruption, sir, but the monkey just stole my gun and made a break for it. He was headed straight in this direction.


Yip! Yip! Yip! Yip!

Blam! Blam! Blam! Blam!


Bobo! Bobo! Bobo! Bobo!


This isn't going well at all...

Who's up for cocktail weenies?

Cocktail weenies!?!? You animals have just assassinated my vice president! Woe be unto you! If I had my missiles with me, I would turn you into a smoldering pile of ashes. See you in hell!

What a fiasco... I guess there really is no reasoning with some people.

Well, nobody can say that you didn't give it the old college try, Mister President.

Nothing ventured nothing gained, I always say.

So, General... How long do you think it will take you to have your bombers ready?



2008, Mark Hoback