The Cannibal of Rotenberg

A Gentleman of the Old School                      

The setting of the trial is the land known as Germany, in a town called Kassel.

We begin on the internet, which as Bill O’Riley has surely informed you, is a dark and lawless place, a zone beyond repentance where the weird at heart meet in chat rooms and forums with names like ‘Cannibal Café’ and ‘Gay Cannibals’. What are they searching for, you ask? The answer is simple – someone to eat, or someone to be eaten by. “Thousands of people” is their number according to Armin Meiwes, and I shall give him the benefit of the doubt. Were they just playing games? Most perhaps, but not all…

Meiwes is… unusual. When he was a youngster, he claims to have been under the control of a domineering mother who stoked his interest in cannibalism. (How she did this, he doesn't bother to say.) Fatherless, and with no siblings, he  became obsessed with the idea of having a younger brother, someone that that he could make “a part of myself. But then I realized one day, that was not enough."

As he grew older, his fantasy fleshed out, and by the time he was twelve, he would imagine killing, butchering and devouring his school friends – just the ones he liked, of course. "Slim and blond, that would have been the type."

But Armin remained a good boy, living strictly in the confines of his fantasies until 1999, when his mother finally(!) died. Bitch was outta there. This gave him a whole new lease on life and he ventured out onto the internet in search of a few good tasting men.

He adopted the decidedly unclever pseudonym of Franky. Franky? He posted internet ads which read: "If you are 18-25 you are my boy,  Franky from Germany".  Or, sometimes taking the less subtle approach, "Come to me, I'll eat your delicious flesh."

Surprisingly, a lot of folks responded to these seductive words. 430 heeded his call in the first year. He met a few of his correspondents, but most of them didn’t really want to be butchered, truth be told. They were nothing but game-players.

Then, one sweet day, he hooked up with Bernd-Juergen. And Armin ate’em. Sorry. I just like the way that sounds. But I am getting ahead of myself…

So this guy Bend-Juergen accepts an invitation to Armin’s chateau in Rotenburg. (Just between you and me, would you ever accept an invitation to a place named Rotenburg?) BJ, as I like to call him, was a very special man. I mean, like Armin had already met several other dudes who wanted to be killed by him. One wanted to be beheaded, but Armin turned him down because the sucker was just too fat. And BJ was pumped up and ready for action, I gotta tell you – he had already settled up all his personal affairs before reporting to Rotenburg.

Miewes had a very nice place, furnished with a very special torture room – It’s Slaughterin Time! – complete with video cameras, meat hooks, and a cage. Gosh, I know what I would do if I walked into such a place. I’d turn on the cameras, strip off my clothes, wash down a few sleeping pills with whiskey, and get prepared for the time of my life, by gosh by golly. I guess BJ is just like me in a lot of ways.

"Now you can see my body. I hope you'll find me tasty,'' Bend-Juergen told Meiwes, a comment upon which I refuse to expand.

Then came the ritual act of wienerschnitzel. "It was important to him that his member be cut off and that he witness it," said Meiwes. "It gave him pleasure." Their plan was to chow down together on this particularly grizzled sausage , but they found that due to its, mmm, inconsistent consistency, it was inedible "even when fried". Where is Rachael Rae when you need her?

This was very demoralizing to BJ, who decided he would just as soon be stabbed to death at this rather low point in his career as a victim, at least just as soon as he could down a bottle of cough medicine.

Alas, he had to wait for ten more hours (all the good European reports hilariously say ‘ten hours after his dismemberment.’ I love that, and should have stolen it without accreditation.), and even then, Armin found it hard to say goodbye. "I kissed him once more, prayed, and pleaded for forgiveness.'' 

And after the kiss, the meat hooks. And the butchering, all on videotape.

It was ten hours after the dismemberment (it's mine!), when the victim fell unconscious and Meiwes stabbed him to death with a knife. He then hung up the corpse from his mercy hooks and cut it up, all the while filming the process. Meiwes buried the ‘innards’, but kept the skull and flesh. Of the flesh, I understand that he ate around 45 pound over time, defrosting individual snack sized portions, which obviously were much tastier than the dick.

[Let me pause here for a moment to chastise the foreign press for their description – he didn’t keep the skull, he kept the friggin head. There is a lot of difference between the two – a skull is Halloween, a head is Hell.]

"With every piece of flesh I ate I remembered him. It was like taking communion. He told me he had had the desire since he was a child to be slaughtered and eaten. He was very intelligent and I didn't see any sign that he was disturbed.” No, Armin, I guess you didn’t.

Meiwes  wants you to know that he did nothing wrong. "I had the fantasy, and in the end I fulfilled it," he said. “Hundreds and thousands are out there looking to be eaten." And he absolutely was not a pervert. "I didn't want to have sex with the partner I chose to slaughter. That had nothing to do with it." Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Prosecutors are charging Meiwes with murder, and are seeking a life sentence. Cannibalism is not a crime under German law, so Meiwes is being charged with murder for the purposes of sexual satisfaction and "disturbing the peace of the dead".

His attorney describes Meiwes as "a gentleman of the old school."

I would be remiss to continue on the topic of Armin without giving a hat tip to two of my favorite crime news sources, the Hindustan Times and The Scotsman, true proponents of the 'if it bleeds, it leads' school of journalism.

Of particular interests are the men who didn't stay for dinner. The Hindu Times tells us about one of them.

‘One allowed himself to be hung on a hook in clingfilm <ed: Saran Wrap> awaiting slaughter’, but changed his mind and said it was too cold to be killed, upon which Herr Meiwes drove him back (graciously? unwillingly?) to the station. The uses of clingfilm clearly extend to more than Munna’s packed sandwiches, and the ride to the station and the time taken for the arrival of the train could not have been short enough for the victim let off the hook.

And The Scotsman shows that you just can't compete with the holidays.

Meiwes made reference to "the scene" <ed: this would be the thriving German Cannibal Scene> on the first day of his testimony when he said he was offered a young man called Luke on the internet who wanted, like Brandes, to be "killed and eaten". Meiwes said: "He then cancelled our meeting saying he had found cannibals who agreed to eat him as part of a Russian Orthodox Christmas feast. I got back to him afterwards to see if perhaps the appointment didn’t work out... but there was never a reply."

Both papers provide greater detail on the evening's main course, but the Hindustan Time does so with more gusto.

Meiwes’ defense is that Brandes always wanted to be killed and eaten. When he arrived at Meiwes’ house, he apparently permitted a certain vital organ to be dismembered. It was to be fried, salted, peppered and garnished with garlic and eaten with relish. Herr Meiwes was apparently well-versed in the art of carving up Brandes, and when his first attempt to sever the said organ failed on (where else?) the kitchen table, a ‘sharper knife’ eventually did the trick. Herr Meiwes explained to the court: "We had agreed to eat it half and half, but he was growing faint and couldn't wait for his half to be cooked through. So he tried to eat it more or less raw and of course it was too tough. This made him furious." Now despite his apparently gentlemanly agreement of ‘half and half’, surely it was unsporting of Herr Meiwes not to speed up the frying time, and to expect a bleeding Brandes to calmly understand the delay in the side orders as if he were in a restaurant?!

Waiter!

All the Meiwes That’s Fit to Print    

Yesterday was the day for playing the Meiwes murder video in court – a 90 minute edited version of the four and a half hour film; we’ll probably have to wait another six months for the directors cut to come out. I find it interesting that they let Armin Meiwes watch it along with the judges and lawyers. This was probably quite a treat for him, as he did enjoy his videos, and this was the jewel of his collection.

They excluded the press from what they call “the worst parts”, an action that probably makes sense only in Germany. I imagine it was quite a day for the individual in charge of the pause button.

So, let’s talk video. The tape starts off with – what do we call him? The Victim? The Honoree? - Bernd Juergen Brandes. Let me give you a taste, from The Scotsman, of the defense and prosecution’s take on their strategy.

“The video is exhibit A in the sensational trial and important to both defense and prosecution. Meiwes’s lawyer believes it will prove his client’s contention that nothing took place in his remote farmhouse home near the city of Kassel that Mr Brandes didn’t want to happen. The prosecution hopes it will convince the three judges trying the case that, befuddled by drink and a cocktail of sleeping tablets and cold medicine, Mr Brandes literally sleepwalked to his doom."

Okay. I’ll give you a synopsis of the plot. The film begins in Miewes kitchen, and shows Brandes stripping for the camera. He seems unsteady on his feet at times, but there is no sign of coercion or restraint. He’s having an okay time, and says that he hopes that he is tasty. (A sentiment, I am sure, that we all share.)

Scene 2: We see Meiwes with a knife, removing his buddy’s member. His buddy tells him “Slice the thing off now". Meiwes obliges. (Scotsman: "This is another indication, according to the defense, that Meiwes was no murderer but a man fulfilling both his and his victim’s wishes.")

Okay. Meiwes bandages things up, and the camera shows him slaving over a hot oven, trying to fry up a nice fresh penis. Garlic, salt and pepper are the reported seasonings. They sit down to eat, and Brandes starts whining. "It is too tough". Goddamnit. Personally I would of slapped him across his kisser after a remark like that.

Okay, now. Miewes takes the guy upstairs to “bleed out” for a few hours, then comes back, and watches a Disney film. (Which one, 'Old Yeller'? Damn you Scotsman, we need more details!)

more meiwes           


In a piece entitled 'Willy-biter Wants Sausage', The Sun UK brings us the story of Armin Meiwes Christmas wish. The title is a single entendre, willy being an english term for penis, one of which Armin readily admits to having cooked and consumed. If only Meiwes had eaten someone named Wilheim, The Sun could have scored the prized double entendre.

Germany is a lovely place, and hey, you Germans out there (of which I'm one), correct me if I'm wrong, but I guess that prisoners in your country get to request whatever they like for their Christmas dinner. Very civilized. But Jeez. Meiwes has requested an eight inch Bockwurst cooked in garlic and white wine. This is the same recipe that he used on Bernd Juergen Brandes' sausage, so prison authorities (and I) are understandably disgusted.

One of the more interesting witnesses was an old boyfriend, who had survived an eighteen month long relationship with Meiwes. The reason for his breakup with the cannibal was not an attempt by Meiwes to snack on his paramour. The man described Meiwes as cheerful and helpful, and like almost everyone that Meiwes didn't eat, he was 'very nice'. The man told the court that he had never notice the defendants proclivity for flesh eating, and was very surprised to hear about it.

Meiwes, as you know by now, is fighting a murder charge [Germany has no cannibalism law] with the perfectly logical claim that his victim asked for it. And as has been seen from prior testimony, he made sure they insisted on it, often hurting would be victims feelings.

Take yesterdays disguised witness, a 25 year old student who showed up in court wearing dark glasses, a scarf wrapped around his face, a hat and a hood. (He was so bundled up that he couldn't find the courtroom and had to be led to the witness stand. He had good reason to be ashamed. Meiwes wouldn't eat him because he was too fat.

"I wanted to be decapitated," the man told the court, and Meiwes had agreed, but that was before they met. This is the danger of the internet; people describe themselves as nice and thin, you agree to eat them, and then they turn out to be all gross and fatty.

"My mother always insisted on lean meat," Meiwes had told the court earlier.

Another witness admitted to disappointing Meiwes by admitting, after being locked in a cage in Meiwes torture parlor, that he was just role playing, and that licking Armin's leather boots and apron was enough excitement for one day. "I wanted to be desired in this way," he said, after wasting Meiwes precious time.

Our first break in restricted coverage comes from the Australian press, which by and large carries more cannibal news that any other island continent I can think of. Australia is an interesting land, what with all their marsupials and their delicious Outback restaurants, and they do tend to think a lot about cannibals. Back before they were used as the social model for 'Escape from New York', what with their prison culture and all, they suffered from a lot of cannibal fear, perhaps as the result of guards telling the prisoners that the Aborigines were man-eaters, a fake fact that seems embedded in the national psyche.

Well, the holidays got in the way. I am at this point unable to ascertain whether or not Meiwes got his eight inch Bockwurst for Christmas or not.  Pity.

And here's a little educational trivia for Americans. A lot of the testimony is 'in camera'. No, that doesn't mean it's taped. In Germany that means nobody gets to hear it except for the judges and lawyers. That means we totally miss things like the testimony regarding his experimental heterosexuality with Petra Zimhaueser, a 'bulky' (?) 41-year-old woman described as even more domineering than his mother.

We did hear from the court psychiatrist yesterday, who stated that our lad Armin was more or less normal. "Mr. Meiwes is in good psychological health," said the shrink. "We all have fantasies, live two lives, but in the case of Mr. Meiwes the double life was more pronounced."

Oh, I am so boring. My alternate life involves me owning a cat named Bob.

At any rate, as Bill O'Reilly could have told you, the root of this problem would appear to be the lawless frontier known as the internet. "If there hadn't been an internet, it wouldn't have happened," explained the court psychiatrist, and in this case, he is probably correct in his assertion. "In chatrooms you lose the sense of reality, you enter the group dynamic of chatting." Well, yes, I suppose you do.

Meiwes agrees, stating in an email to his future dinner partner Herr Brandes, "I've been looking for contacts (to eat) since 1999 - without the net, it wouldn't have been possible."

The judge in this case, Volker Mutze, sounds like he's about ready to lose it. He has been described as looking queasy from the beginning of the proceedings, but  today's reports, wherein he reads the court some of Armin's chatmail traffic, refer to him as the "pale, stuttering judge."

<And let this be a lesson to any of you perverts out there reading my reportage. You think that chatroom stuff of yours is private? Sorry, bud, but this is going on your permanent record.>

Okay then, let's listen into some chat between Berndt Brandes and Armin Meiwes. We start with a Valentines day chat in 2001, where Meiwes tells his future entrée that he is making spaghetti carbonara, and the entrée replies "You don't have to buy meat again - there will be plenty left." Shhh. Down in front.

The Meiwes trial started back up today, but thus far all the news available to the public has been pretty dry - his porn selections, and such. The London Evening Standard has come along to fill the void, however, providing salacious new details about the Cannibal of Rotenburg that are guaranteed to satisfy your strongest cravings.

We get a much clearer picture of what exactly made this supposedly charming man morph into such a nut case. Somber stuff, people. Mighty creepy. And as is so often the case, it all starts out with MOTHER.

As I have surely mentioned before, Armin Meiwes did not live in a seedy piece of shit apartment where the cockroaches rustled in the hollow walls, no, Armin lived in a borderline respectable mansion, out there in the idyllic German countryside.

But he lived with MOTHER, and MOTHER wasn't known as the warmest individual in Rotenburg. Yes, MOTHER had given all of the rooms in the mansion little brass plaques with names that glowed with sweetness and light. Names like the 'Sunlight Room', and the 'Morning Dew Room'. And then there was the dark space down at the end of a very scary hallway, the 'Child's Room'.

In these 43 rooms, Armin spent his first 38 years with the woman who never gave him the respect and love he so longed for, the woman who would so poison his mind that he would one day happily chow down on Bernd-Juergen Brandes, an individual who obviously had some issues of his own. I must tell you this for balance, Armin would spend many a year looking after MOTHER, a woman who's nature was foreshadowed by her very name. Waltraud. Waltraud Meiwes! Ahrooo!

The friends and neighbors all thought tha Armin was normal, but as we now know, he wasn't. How could he be? Take a look around at the deteriorating mansion, forty-three rooms of gloom, and ask yourself - could love blossom here? No, it could not! Why, when Armin was just a wee lad of eight (and his mother was 48 and bitter), all of the men packed up and moved the fuck out of the house. Brother Wolfgang became a priest in Berlin, and no one seems to know where Brother Ingolbert went. Dad was Waltraud's third and last husband, and one day he just got up his nerve and moved the hell away from Rotenburg.

Armin was lonely, lonely and totally dominated. He dreamed of another brother, someone who could 'be one' with him, a fantasy that would later take on sinister dimensions. But for now, he was trapped. Listen. I must quote now directly from the Evening Standard.

In the early 1970s, when his schoolfriends were wearing jeans, she insisted that he carry on wearing traditional lederhosen shorts. When he was a young man, one of the rare guests at the old house witnessed her ordering him to bed because the clock had struck 10.

Meiwes was to recall later that he began creating his cannibal fantasies during his adolescence, when he and his mother lived alone together in the huge manor. He collected material on the crimes of Fritz Haarmann, the Vampire of Hanover, who killed at least 26 young men in the 1920s. Haarmann butchered his victims and drank their blood. He was beheaded at a public execution in 1925.

Then Meiwes bought a Barbie doll and dismembered it, keeping the parts in a locked safe so his mother would not find them. She knew nothing of his fantasies and his own increasing doubts about his sexuality. When he took a girl on a date, she accompanied them, sitting in the back seat of the car.

Goddamnit MOTHER, you've driven me insane!

She made him leave girlfriends. Did you know that Meiwes had a fiancé, a pretty little girl name o' Petra Zinnhauser, but MOTHER drove her away as well. They were far too similar. She called little Armin worthless, and hurt his feelings in numerous ways. Even after he joined the German Army. Oh...

But, like, she died. Finally. So he got to add a torture lounge to room 27.

You pretty much know the story from here on out. Still, I can't help but run through a few of the trivial details that still add so much to a tale such as this. <Look at the house, Mark, check out the mansion.> Okay.

His mother's room is a mess; he has piled her clothes high upon the bed, her dressing table is scattered with her things - mirror, brushes. He has boarded up the window with plywood. No daylight enters.

Nearby, on a bed in one of the many guest rooms, under a pink coverlet, he has placed a doll's head between two pillows. This head used to stand on his mother's dressing table; she placed her wig upon it each night before going to bed. When the police pulled back the covers, they found Meiwes had drawn a beard on the doll head's chin.

In another room, she preserved his favourite toys: a train set, a model of a German castle - but on the table where they stand he has placed the bleached skull of a cow.

There are more things to learn from the Evening Standard. If I had more time, I would write about the pork penis. Maybe I would even tell you about Meiwes sending out pictures of his teeth to Brandes with the promise to bite his tongue out. Perhaps I could give more details than I have thus far, but really...

Meiwes's own website is closed now, but others devoted to cannibalism and necrophilia thrive. He himself estimated that at least 800 individuals in Germany had, like him, killed and eaten people.

You think? Got to add a little American cynicism to this story... I keep seeing this particular stat, repeated over and over, and yeah, why would you give that number any credence? Yes MOTHER, Freddie ate Benjy, and  Willheim ate Hans, do you mind terribly if I eat Bernd-Juergen?

Bragging, he was. Little bragging bastard.

Ah, Armin, if your little friends threw themselves off of a bridge, would you throw yourself off too?

Yes MOTHER.

Very well, Armin.

The Loneliest Little Cannibal

It has been a meager few days covering the Cannibal of Rotenburg, after it started out with so much potential. The problem is that they keep having the best parts 'in camera', so it takes ages before the best stories leak out. Among the witnesses that we've missed are the father who deserted wee eight-year-old Armin, and the brother who never gave him a moments notice. So I have to do the best I can with rather feeble material.

It was Female Friday in Kassel, Germany, and that means it's time to present the kind of girls who like Armin. Today at the trial of the Cannibal of Rotenburg we met two unidentified women who had relationships with Meiwes. As my faithful bartender Roxy would say - Barrff.

Okay, these two anonymous frauleins told the court that Armin was just as nice and kind as he could be. That's it. End of story

A little short, I'll admit. Hold on, and I'll pad it a little. Here's a quote, albeit a lame one. "He came across as very child-like, when he played with children, as if he were a child himself." This is one of the frauleins talking. "I noticed that he seemed content with us in our family." Later she said that she decided against a relationship with Meiwes when he told her "of his homosexual tendencies."

I don't know about the second witness. She was a neighbor - does that count? Because they always have a tendency to say nice things about the defendant. My theory on this is that they don't want to seem to be so totally vapid and disengaged as to not notice what should be obvious. "Johnny was always such a nice quiet boy." Anyway, she said that Armin had tried to "start a relationship" with her, and that he said he would like to get married and have a large family.

Both women denied ever having sex with Meiwes. As if anyone would admit to that.

"He came across as being very childlike," said the neighbor.

And that is all I've got, unless you'd like to go and read this fascinating legal commentary entitled Is it Always Torture to Dismember and Eat a Conscious Human Being?
 

Entrée Receives Mixed Reviews

It was a decidedly mixed day for the reputation of the late Bernd-Juergen Brandes, man-snack for the cannibal of Rotenburg.

Earlier in the day, the court heard from 27-year-old Rene Jasnik, Juergen's life partner and lover, who said the two were "very happy together" and that Brandes had never ever ever expressed a desire for death by mastication or any other masochistic fantasies.

It was a mystery to Jasnik just why Brandes would do something crazy like get on the web and ask for a cannibal to eat him. (No word yet on what Disney film Meiwes was watching while Brandes drained out, although Lady and the Tramp has been widely discussed.)

"He had no thoughts of suicide," declared Jasnik, although he did add that he had found Brandes' will in early January 01, just a few weeks before the fateful meeting. He also disclosed that Meiwes had written to him, apologizing for his rash actions and saying that he was sorry. (How would this letter go, I wonder? Dear Rene, Have you ever been consumed with desire? Imagine my surprise last Thursday when your lover dropped by...')

I guess this is as good an illustration as any of the difference between love and lust. That pleasant fellow Jasnik was described as Brandes 'life mate'. The next witness, an unnamed engineer from Berlin, was described as one of Brandes 'sexual partners'. This fellow was a little more blunt, saying that Brandes had offered him 5000 Marks (around $3K) to bite off his penis. No further questions, your honor.

Just for the fun of it, the court spent a few minutes with a former school chum of Armin's, a lad who started out by dissing the underappreciated Mum, Waltraud Meiwes! Ahrooo!

This chum said that a drunk Meiwes had once admitted contacting some pervert "who is always asking me whether he is ripe for slaughter". This was about a year following the demise of Brandes, when Meiwes was running out of table scraps. The chum said that Meiwes sobered up and asked him to forget the conversation.

And finally, a special Shoutout to Independent Online from South Africa for their success in coming up with today's best headline, which consists of a quote unreported by the rest of the semi-civilized world: "'My lover offered me money for a penis snack'".
 

More Meiwes Mother Madness

Whoops, I'm off to lovely Norfolk Virginia in just a few moments, so please forgive me if this piece is not properly salacious. I promise to show a spectacular lack of tact upon my return. For now let's return to the Bate's Motel...

Yes, it's the Psycho meme that some of the European press is starting to play, even though Armin never really killed anyone who wasn't asking for it... You see, Armin had a MOTHER, the ghastly Waldtrud!, who he both worshipped and feared. After her death, his home became a shrine to Waldtrud. Or so the papers would have you believe, at least the ones who are trying to put Meiwes into the Anthony Perkins role.

Tell me, would mother have approved of the torture chamber? I think not! No, she would curse under her breath and then angrily yell out 'Minchen' in that rank voice of hers, the air hung heavy with the nauseating aroma of sauerkraut.

Would mother have thought it was cute had she come across little Armin's wooden human cage and shackles? Not in my lifetime! No, she would make Armin change right into his lederhosen and give her room a damn good cleaning, polish her fucking silverware, and make her hairbrushes glow like they were brand new.

In other words, the Cannibal of Rotenburg was absolutely nothing like Norman Bates, except for the part where he would dress up in her clothes after she died and imitate her voice. That's all. That, and the fact that he was a little nuts.

School chum Berhardt Sieberg testifying yesterday: "He took over the role of his mother in the house. You couldn't interfere with the world he had created for her. I once went into her room and it was a real shock to me. Her dressing gown was laid neatly out on the bed, beautifully pressed, like he expected her back any moment. His world was frozen in the time she was still alive. It was spooky. He became his mother."

Okay, maybe just a little bit like Norman Bates.

Or rather, we're back with fresh news about the willing victim of Armin Meiwes, the very silly and very dead Bernd Brandes. Some people are obsessed with religion and some people are obsessed with love, and then there are those who are obsessed with having their penis bitten off by their sexual partners. Such people are known as 'sick puppies', and statistically are almost always men. Herr Brandes was such a puppy. 

(The question has come forth: Are such people usually Germans? The answer is no, although Germany does have a higher than average per capita population of men wishing to be deboned.)

We now gratefully hear from Victor Serano, a former sex partner of Brandes'. (Grateful because we are growing bored with all of the German names, and are frankly pleased to see someone bring a Hispanic presence to the topic.)

"Hey there sailor, ever done the nasty with a Caribbean Boy? We love you long time." So might have read Serano's ad in a Berlin Sex magazine - we aren't sure, so we're forced to vamp. You hear about how vulgar the European press is, but I swear to God, "offered his services as a Caribbean Boy" is all the detail I can find about Serano advertising his meat, and you know, there's much more to it all than that. I'll stake my reputation on the probability that the ad contained at least three of the following words: 'bite', 'teeth', 'Weiner schnitzel',  'ouch', 'stump'.

At any rate, these two knuckleheads became a steady couple, having sex, or something like it, at least twice a week for three years. As individuals grow in the relationship, they begin to share more of their intimate thoughts and feelings with each other. Such was the case with Berndt, who gradually worked up the courage to tell Vic that he would really like to be mutilated.

"Bernd kept urging me to bite off his penis," said Serano. "He always achieved orgasm when I placed my teeth around it. He wanted to be bitten everywhere but the penis was his fantasy, his obsession. He offered me money, some 10,000 deutschmarks to do it." Alas, this was not in line with Senor Serano's own erotic tastes, and the relationship was tragically cut short.

And so the Serano testimony concluded. Armin Meiwes enjoyed it very much. He was dressed smartly in a pearl gray suit, and laughed and smiled during the hearing.  The Serano testimony is important because Meiwes, as I'm sure you know, claims to have killed Brandes as a very special favor. Fantasy Island.

If Serano's testimony is given credence, the prosecution believes that it will show that Brandes only wanted to be mutilated, not murdered.

                                                                                   
Everyone I Know Has a Goddamn Book Deal!

The news on Meiwes is getting a bit thin lately. God knows they've talked to just about everyone who might be of interest. In a few months there will be news pieces and probably even a few serious books constructed from the 'in camera' testimony that has been slowly leaking out.

Possibly the most interesting item forthcoming will be penned by Armin Meiwes himself. Although we don't know whether or not he has any appreciable talent with a pen, his memoirs are bound to prove interesting on some delusional level or another. If his memoirs are indeed ever seen. And judging from what I've seen of recent German culture, I have no doubt they will be.

Meiwes has been chatting up his book since a month before his trial began. Originally, he claimed that he wanted to write for the most noble of reasons, at one point telling the Welt am Sonntag that his purpose for writing was to defer people "who have similar instincts". He has good advice for all the wanna be cannibals. "They should check in for appropriate treatment and talk about it, so that it doesn't escalate like it did with me." Word.

Publishers are lining up to make a deal with the Cannibal of Rotenburg, and he has told friends (yes, it's true. Everybody loves Armin) that he expects the book to make a fortune. There are even rumors of a movie offer. With any luck, Meiwes could even play himself, since the max sentence for his crime may be as little as five years.

But he's backslid, the Meiwes Man has. The fellow who once claimed the honorable goal of preventing future cannibal attacks has now decided that he wants to put a recipe section in his memoirs. The Sun reports that dishes he wishes to feature include "biceps in Marsala, loin schnitzels braised with garlic and lemon juice, and breaded young man's liver."

Over to you, Paul.

At long last, the precedent setting Armin Meiwes case is over. The Cannibal of Rotenburg was sentenced by a German court today to eight years in prison for the crime of killing and consuming Bernd-Juergen Brandes, a socially maladjusted gent who was a willing participant in the macabre festivities.

Meiwes was not convicted of murder as prosecutors had hoped, but of manslaughter, which carries a maximum sentence of eight and a half years, with time off for good behavior. (There is little doubt that Meiwes will be well behaved; throughout the trial he has been polite, friendly, and forthcoming, and described by witnesses and court officials alike as a gentleman. Plus, he dresses well and has what might be called a charming smile if it weren't for the fact that you realize he might eat you with those teeth.) To be fair about it, the defense didn't get what they wanted either. They were looking for a verdict of 'killing on request' - the German equivalent of euthanasia - which could have resulted in a sentence of as little as six months. The court dismissed this verdict because of the obvious sexual pleasure that Meiwes took in this act.

In the end, the six hour home video that Meiwes made of himself and Brandes played a powerful part in the verdict. Head Judge Volker Muetze admitted that the video should be "viewed with repulsion in our civilized society" (creepiest scene not previously reported here: Meiwes talking to Brandes' severed head while disemboweling the body, which is hanging from a meat hook in the special 'slaughter lounge')... but, I continue, clearing my throat, the video shows that "Seen legally, this is manslaughter, killing a person without being a murderer." And?

And? And it was "a behavior that is condemned in our society - namely the killing and butchering of a human being"... Go on, Herr Muetze. "They were two deeply psychologically disturbed people who both wanted something from the other."

People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world.

You know, this whole case has been an amazing story, and I'm really not sure why it's received so little interest in the states. (Interesting cannibal trivia: the most extensive coverage of the Meiwes saga has come from Australia, Africa and India - a continent where they used to eat people, a continent where they still do, and a country where some people are so hungry that they'll eat anything they can get their damn hands on.) I think the story may be just a little too harsh for Americans, with their tender sensibilities, to accept as news.

 Entertainment, now that's another story, and I expect the forthcoming movie(s) to do great box office, particularly if they avoid the pitfall of trying to be dramas. Horror, could work, but we're talking two weeks and out unless we get a name director like M Night Shamalamadingdong. Comedy is not out of the question, and I for one would suggest the Farley brothers, who are just about one film away from doing a picture about a dimwitted but lovable cannibal who is forced to look for dinner in the classifieds.

Me, I'm hoping for a musical. That last little speech that Armin gave to the court earlier this week, what a climactic  ending it could frame. "You don't need to worry that I'll ever need to do this again," he said. But no, no regrets. "I took his life, and I readily admit that." His voice firm, committed. "But ... I did nothing that ran contrary to his express wishes." Face forward, eyes bright, full screen close-up.  "I've had the kick of a lifetime."

I can hear Jennifer Warnes. and if he were not dead, I could hear Bill Medley, who could really use the work about now.  I see the lights flash from an orbiting disco ball, and see the skirts of the twirling girls float round like hibiscus petals. And I can hear singing. "Now with passion in our eyes / There's no way we could disguise it secretly / So we take each other's hand / Cause we seem to understand / The urgency / Just remember /  I've had the time of my life / I never felt this way before..."

Help Me, Flipper!

From the Guardian: "...he described how Meiwes had experienced cannibalistic feelings as a young boy, after his father and two brothers walked out on the family home. He had also fantasized about eating Sandy, the blond boy hero of the Sixties TV series Flipper."