'Fool me once, shame on you', goes the hoary old folk wisdom, 'Fool me twice, shame on me'. UCLA has to be burning with shame this morning after fixing a problem by making it worse. In 1996, UCLA was sued by relatives of body donors who said that the university had disposed of bodies improperly. UCLA gets nearly two hundred cadavers willed to it each year. (Question: People who leave their bodies to science - are they not insane? Have they never watched 'Re-Animator'?)

So in 1997 they hire this new guy, Henry Reid, embalmer by trade, and he heads up their 'Willed Body' program, and what does he decide to do? Start selling bodies. Sometimes the whole corpse, sometimes just individual parts. All the papers imply that he was selling to biotechnology firms, but so far, that appears to be just speculation. Reid has been arrested at his home near Disneyland.

"We were very proud of the steps that Henry Reid convinced everyone he had taken, and we, frankly, are devastated," said UCLA lawyer, Louis Martin. I kind of have the same situation at work. I just tell everyone I'm doing a heck of a job, and they all leave me alone.

"To tell you that this is one of the most disappointing moments in my 31-year legal career is an understatement," Marlin added.

To which we can only say, "I guess so." I mean, wouldn't you like to hear what else ranks this low in terms of his jurisprudent oversight?

The LA Times says that investigators are worried about dozens of cadavers having been sold by Reid, and they also mention those damn biomedical firms. Here's my take on that. Sure, your average biomedical firm likes corpses. They like 'em a lot. But buying a hot one is kind of like driving drunk in Syria - it just isn't worth the risk. You're going down. Come in here, Smithers. Officer Lewis says you've been corpsemongering.

I'm thinking that it could be a lot worse than biomed labs. Remember during the Meiwes investigation when authorities said there were probably upwards of 800 potential cannibals in Germany? Don't tell me that LA can't match the Krauts sicko for sicko.

Think I'm crazy? Alright. Lets take a walk over to the Scotsman, where they have the news on the arrest of a second perpetrator.

Ernest Nelson, 46, was arrested yesterday. Authorities would say little about the case, but Nelson told the Los Angeles Times that for six years he retrieved body parts from the UCLA Medical School's freezer and sold them to large research companies. He said he did so with the knowledge of UCLA employees, including Henry Reid, director of the school's cadaver programme, which makes donated bodies available for medical education and research.

Nelson said he collected the body parts by simply walking into the UCLA Medical Centre twice a week with a saw and taking them. Over the past six years, he said, he cut up approximately 800 cadavers and took knees, hands, torsos, heads and other parts, which he sold to as many as 100 other research labs.

Yeah, right - hey buddy, my name is Joe and I have a research lab, ya mighta heard of it, 'Joe's Research Lab'. We got a slogan, 'Doin' a lotta good for a lotta people'. We're lookin for some fresh knees today, got any? Yeah, and a couple of torsos, we're researchin' pretty damn hard over there.

The San Francisco Chronicle tells us that Nelson is outright surprised to be busted.

"I call one of the most prestigious universities in the world, their director gives me the protocol, I follow that protocol and they charge me with receiving stolen body parts?" Imagine the outrage. "If I wasn't supposed to be there, why couldn't they tell me that?" Nelson asked. "It was not done in secret."

Time to call in the lawyer for an update. Looouuisss. Louis Marrr-lin.

"For Nelson to say that other people knew what he was doing is ridiculous," said Marlin. And that bit about 800 bodies. "It's impossible, because then UCLA would have had no bodies to use."

Umm, thanks.

The bad thing about the 'elite press', as Bill O'Reilly calls any paper unwilling to regurgitate the party line, is not their liberal leanings, but their position of not printing any of the salacious details of the more grotesque or scandalous stories in the news. The conservative press, on the other hand, will go for the scandal stories, but only when they involve a prominent liberal, like, oh, the previous president of the United States. In general, the European press likes scandals by anyone, anywhere, anytime. Witness their extensive coverage of Stephen Hawking, almost totally ignored stateside.

For the grotesque, Africa and India are pretty darn good, but they tend to be a little loose with the facts, and it's often hard to find second source verification. The absolute best for real squeamish details goes hand down to Australia, where they have a real taste for the stuff. I suppose their glorious colonization by exported criminals, and their cannibal lore may be a factor here.

So to begin with today's look at Corpsegate, let's check The New York Times for reaction at the university.

"It has long been our intent to treat these people with dignity and respect," said Gerald S. Levey, vice chancellor of the U.C.L.A. School of Medicine, who insisted there was no evidence that the missing specimens were used for any purpose other than medical research.

"We are deeply sorry," Dr. Levey said, adding that former Gov. George Deukmejian had agreed to oversee an overhaul of the donor program "to ensure that this misconduct does not occur again."

Fifteen months ago, U.C.L.A. officials ordered a ban on transfers of cadavers and body specimens to institutions or individuals not affiliated with the university because of the fear that some "may not be functioning on the up-and-up," Dr. Rosenthal said in an interview on Monday.

I can't say for sure, but from the fact that yesterdays news sited at least 100 firms making buys, I would guess that the fact some of them not be on the 'up-and-up' is a real possibility. Now we move down under to the Australian, which gives us the going rates for body parts.

An expose in Harper's magazine found a thriving market for body parts. While whole bodies could fetch up to $US4000 ($5274), cutting a cadaver up and selling the pieces could net twice that amount. Heads go for about $US550, spines $US1500, knees $US500, a leg upwards of $US800, feet $US350, while a vagina (with clitoris) and breasts can fetch $US350.

The UCLA's Daily Bruin gives us the student doctor ("I think it's a real privilege to work with these cadavers. We're getting the gift of their life.") perspective.

Every year at the end of anatomy lab, the first-year students hold a memorial and thanksgiving service for the people who have donated their bodies to medical education.

Students write thank you notes to these individuals, and light candles for each cadaver. The notes are then cremated along with the bodies.

"At the end of the year, you don't know how to deal with the fact that you just cut up someone," said Ferrell, who was involved in the planning of last year's service.

"It's a nice way to end the year and bring closure to the students as well as the person."