God Destroys Dover

The Almighty destroyed the small town of Dover, Pennsylvania today with a storm of boiling fire. The residents had earlier been warned by the Reverend Pat Robertson about the possibility of a flaming death, but few had ears with which to listen.

"Oooh, sometimes it hurts to be right," said Robertson, speaking to us by phone. "I wish God wasn't so darn vengeful, but you know what they say - wish in one hand and excrete in the other, and see which one fills up quicker. When the Doverians voted the intelligent design folks out of office, I just knew there was going to be big trouble. I could smell it. I guess the Big Guy's motto is 'Kill 'em all, and let Darwin sort 'em out'. It's a pity."

"I rounded up my family and skedaddled, just as soon as the votes were counted" said Tom Joiner, one of the few righteous to escape the inferno. "Unfortunately my wife Mabel chose to look back and was turned into a block of salt. That just doesn't seem right, somehow. But I guess in all fairness, Reverend Robertson forgot to say anything about that particular affliction. But I'm not wagging my finger at God; at least He took out the Wilsons."


2005, Mark Hoback