Some See Count Floyd in Underpass Stain

Beer cans from over three dozen countries have been left in front of the Floyd-like stain.

CHICAGO, Illinois (FGAQ) -- A steady stream of the faithful and the ludicrous, many carrying flowers and howling, have wandered to a highway underpass for a look at a gray and white stain on a concrete wall that they believe is an image of the Count Floyd.

Police have been guarding the area since last Monday as hundreds of people have walked down to see the image and the growing memorial of flowers and beer cans that surround it. Beside the image is an artist's rendering of Bruno embracing Doctor Tongue in a pose some see echoed in the stain.

"We believe it's a miracle," said Edith Prickley, 42. "A really dumb miracle, but a miracle none the less."

Tuesday morning, women stood with 3-D glasses behind a police barricade while men in t-shirts loitered before the image, guffawing and drinking. An angry commuter claimed that the crowd had caused traffic to back up for miles.

The stain is likely the result of salt run-off, according to the Illinois Department In-charge of Transportation. The agency does not plan to scrub it off the wall.

"We're treating this just like we treat any type of roadside miracle," said IDIOT spokesman Earl Camembert. "We have no plans to clean this site."

"We hah no plah to clee thih eyes," chimed in IDIOT resident cleaning woman Perini Scleroso.

The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Chicago has not received any requests to authenticate the image as of Monday, spokesman Johnny Larue said. "Why would we? I mean it's true that Pope Benedict does look similar to Count Floyd, but that's more of a coincidence than a miracle. And the church takes no official position on Monster Chiller Horror Theater. Sometimes people ask us to look at these things, but we're pretty busy. Most of the time we don't. The meaning depends on the individual who sees it. To them, it's real. Go figure."

 

2005, Mark Hoback