I felt the 'P' was coming between me and my fans. We had to simplify it. It was, you know, doing concerts and half the crowd saying 'P. Diddy,' half the crowd chanting 'Diddy.' Now everybody can just chant 'Diddy.'    - Diddy to Katy Couric

Sean John Colmes, the entrepreneur widely known as the artist who single handedly made rap music boring, has decided that it is time for another name change. Henceforth, he will simply be know as 'Diddy'. It is not known whether the 'd' is meant to be capitalized or not.

"Back in the day, I was mostly in the studio, so Sean John was okay. But then when I started attempting to perform, you know, I needed something a little tougher and more street. So I came up with Puff Daddy, made it up myself. That's the shit, man, that is gangsta. You hear somebody named Puff Daddy, you know you're dealing with some kinda bad dude. Course the ladies all got to calling me Puffy, and I was down with that until I found out it was slang for a homosexual."

"Course then I went on and made that tribute to Biggie, 'I'll Be Missing You' which got a lot of attention. People were calling it the worst rap record ever made, so I had to explain, 'Listen, this ain't no rap record'. So then they just called it the worst record period. Man, I hated that shit."

"I needed a change, you know, something fun, something young. I thought I was gonna go with Puff Diddy, but I got this nasty email from Suge Knight wherein he proceeds to tell me that it rhymed with 'tough titty'. Man, I'd like to shoot that motherfucker, but he was right, so I just went with the 'P'."

"Then last year was another bad one. I released my new tracks 'We Invented The Remix', which got a lot of one star reviews. People calling me up going 'Yo, turkey, you crazy. They been making remixes for thirty years'. What the hell did I know? We was so poor growing up, we couldn't afford anything but 45s."

"So. It's 2005, and I'm going with 'Diddy'. Five letters. Simple. I think it's a winner. And this year, I ain't gonna release nothing."

 

2005, M Hoback