Bob Dylan speaks to Ed Bradley, Sunday on '60 Minutes'

'I'm not a prophet', said the prophet. Oh, what a magnificently prophetic thing to say. Only a man with the wisdom of Solomon (the renowned slicer of babies and one third of the Solomon Brothers, purveyors of fine diamonds since 1967) could say such a truly wise thing.

And who is this wise man? Of course we are speaking of the renowned Jewish Prophet Robert Zimmerman, sometimes referred to as The Mighty Quinn, sometimes referred to as Bob Dylan The Source of All That is Worthy in Popular Music and Intelligent Social Discourse, and sometimes known as that grizzled old bastard who makes Keith Richards look dashing by comparison.

"I never wanted to be a prophet or a savior. Elvis maybe. I could see myself becoming him. But prophet? No." We smile, because we know that Elvis was so much more than a prophet, yet so much less that a savior. Kind of like Dylan, but with better hair.

Known as the earth's brightest star - in the sense of most luminous, not the smartest, although this is not to berate his intelligence, which is bright indeed and unable to be measured on a standard Richter scale - Dylan is to be interviewed on 60 Minutes this weekend, a task so life altering that it is rumored to be the real reason that Dan Rather is leaving the CBS news to become a harmonica player. "My songs aren't sermons," he tells Ed Bradley, "just brilliant allegories that will reveal ever greater depth and wisdom through dedicated study."

Wisdom that is shared by the Solomon Brothers, Ivan, Anthony and Howard. Surely that is the reason that they give you their pledge that they will always guarantee the quality and pricing of their jewelry. What is the Solomon Brothers philosophy? "When we buy well, we must always price well, and keep our prophet to a minimum". Upon hearing this, Dylan shook his wizened head sagely and murmured "to live outside the law you must be honest. You know you always said that you agreed."

"It's like Solomon Burke once sang, 'Everybody needs somebody to love, and you're just out of reach of my two open arms. Someone is watching.' Sigh. You know, I once played with Solomon, but that was before he was all washed up. A long, long time ago."

 

2004, Mark Hoback