Fox News apologizes for our earlier story reporting that the White House was under attack by an atomic truck.

The whereabouts of runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks is still unknown, but insiders close to Fox say that something really horrible has probably already happened to her. Stay tuned to Fox for breaking developments.

 

At this moment, Fox news is reporting that the body of missing bride-to-be Jennifer Wilbanks has been found outside of a public park in Miami, Florida. As we have previously reported, Wilibanks was kidnapped while jogging a short distance from her home in an Atlanta suburb. Police say that the body had a number of lacerations, but that the ultimate cause of death was strangulation. They have released this sketch of the


suspected kidnapper. Stay tuned to Fox for breaking developments.

 

Fox News apologizes for our earlier story reporting that the body of missing bride-to-be Jennifer Wilbanks had been found outside of a public park in Miami, Florida.

We have just learned that the body that was discovered in fact belonged to JoJo, a bottle-nosed dolphin that had wandered away from a Miami marina just three days before the start of the annual Fishorama Fest. JoJo, shown below, has no known enemies, but police are taking a close look at the suspiciously named Miami Dolphins football team, who last season posted a disastrous 4-12 record.

The whereabouts of runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks is still unknown, but insiders close to Fox say that something really horrible has probably already happened to her. Stay tuned to Fox for breaking developments.

 

 

Fox News has just learned that the body of unmarried Jennifer Wilbanks has been discovered walking and talking just like a living person in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

"It turns out that Miss Wilbanks basically felt the pressure of this large wedding and could not handle it," chuckled Randy Belcher, the police chief in Duluth, Ga.

Fox News is not amused at this spurious attack on it's credibility, and calls on lawmakers to prosecute this irresponsible woman to the full extent of the law. What are we supposed to do for programming for the next couple of days? Answer that, Ms Cowardly Not-a-bride. We have half a mind to sue. Make that a full mind. Much like the evil Anna Ayala whose finger follies have cost Wendy's a precipitous drop in their bottom line, we blame the unBride for any loss of ratings in our next fiscal quarter.


Above: Fox News sketch of Ms Wilbanks

 


Runaway
Bride is
Certifiably
Insane



Fox News has just learned that the body of unmarried Jennifer Wilbanks has turned itself into what has been euphemistically described as an 'inpatient medical treatment program'  in the Atlanta region. Fox news has a camera crew on route to the 'Happy Moon' loony bin, and should be providing a news feed from outside the asylum within the hour. In addition to regular coverage, stay tuned tonight at 10:00 PM, where Greta Van Susteren will be broadcasting from the scene.

Family friend Sammy Smith, a spokesman for Lakewood Baptist Church, would only say that Ms. Wilbanks was going to be treated for 'physical and mental issues', but promised to reveal startling examples of her 'plumb crazy behavior' tonight at 9:00 on Hannity and Colmes. In other related programming news, tune in tonight at 8:00 to join Bill O'Reilly and his special guest Mark Furman, who will be agreeing with Bill's theory that Wilbanks has been dead all along, and that her reappearance was nothing but a massive cover-up to hide the true identity of her murderer. This theory has gained credence during the past couple of days as people have come to realize that all they have seen since Wilbanks returned is somebody with a towel over their head, and how convincing is that?

 

2005, Mark Hoback