For those of us fortunate enough to not live in Florida, there is nothing much funnier than a picture of an alligator at the front door. I came across the one above a few weeks ago while writing a deep and probing report about the terrorist group al-Gator, over at The Aristocrats.

'If only...' I told myself. If only this were a better picture, a little less blurry, with a little more perspective, it would be a classic, perhaps launching the photographer on the course to fame. If only it was more like this picture.

Detail of Photo by Richard Holinski The Island Trader

Now that's an alligator at the door picture! And that's just a detail. Go on, click here so you can see the full picture. Beautiful, huh? The sort of alligator at the door picture you might find on the cover of Home and Garden.

The Hilton Head Island Packet, which ran the original photo and article, has a follow-up story which details the attack.

 "Apparently the smell of teriyaki chicken that Robert and Roslyn Loretta were grilling in their back porch lured the gator from a nearby lagoon. Minutes later, the Lorettas heard a knock on their front door. When they looked out the window, there was the gator, its claw inches away from the doorbell."

Well, thank heavens for that glass front door, huh? And just as I predicted, anyone who could get a really good alligator at the door picture would soon find their feet on the path to glory.

"Famed radio broadcaster Paul Harvey covered the story Thursday. Two American tabloids, the Star and the Sun, have picked it up. It's even appeared in The Electric New Paper in Singapore."

Can't you just here Paul Harvey doing the story?

"Bob and Rosy Loretta of Hilton Head had a surprising dinner guest on Sunday while grilling chicken marinated in Kikkoman Teriyaki Sauce, the first and finest product of it's type on the market today. Try it and I know you'll agree......"

"Bob was busy turning the chicken on the grill, savoring the tangy aroma and thinking about the gentle sweetness which only Kikkoman can bring to a whole wide variety of meat, fish and poultry, when Rosy heard an unexpected knock... on the door.... No, it wasn't hungry amateur photographer Richard Holinski, who was regularly angling for an invite to taste the Loretta's legendary Kikkoman grilled chicken. When Rosy looked out the window, she saw Holinski thirty feet away, taking photographs of their front door."

"An act of voyeurism? Indeed not. Holinski was taking pictures of the Loretta's guest - a six foot alligator who was poised to ring the front doorbell. No doubt to ask for a piece of fresh grilled chicken with Kikkoman Teriyaki Sauce, now available in the heart healthy low sodium variety which keeps all of the taste of the original. And now... page two."


2006, Mark Hoback