Michael Jackson has accomplished what scores of politicians have tried and failed to achieve: bringing Iraq's Sunni population on board in support of the nation's newly minted constitution.

"Mister Jackson is very wise," said Islamic Party Secretary-General Tareq al-Hashemi. "He looked me in the eye and asked 'Why can't we all just get along'. I thought about his question, and found that the answer was that there was no answer. Of course we should all just get along. And so we shall."

Jackson was in Iraq at the behest of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who had lobbied President Bush to name him as a special ambassador. "Everybody loves Michael," said Rice. "And he just seemed like a natural to bring the county's factions together. My only surprise was the speed with which he was able to accomplish his goal."

"We are giving him the key to Sulaymaniyah," said al-Hashemi, "and roasting up our fattest goats. Ah, if only everyone had the golden heart of this man, the entire world would be at peace."

"Truly is he a citizen of the world," said radical cleric Sheik Muqtada al-Sadr. "But for today he is the king of all Iraq, and more importantly, my friend. Just this morning he asked if my young son Akbar could be his companion for the remainder of his stay. Never have I been so proud."

Jackson demonstrates the moonwalk for a contingent
of Shi'ites, Sunnis, and Kurds


2005, Mark Hoback