Citing a revitalized sense of purpose, New York's infamous street gang The Jets has vowed to once again match forces against their arch-rivals The Sharks.

"Yeah, it's true, we have had our difficulties in thrashing The Sharks," said gang member William 'Billy' Northrop. "But this time it's going to be different. Really different. I'm sure of it. You tell him, Joey."

"There's a lot of reasons that we've had only partial success in kicking Shark butt," admits gang leader Joseph 'Joey' Patterson. "If I had to boil it down to one thing, though, I would say that the sheer number of Sharks is a significant factor for us. I mean, when you're a Jet you're a Jet all the way, from you're first cigarette to your last dying day, but when you're a Shark, the commitment is much more transient and fluid."

After years of incomplete victories against The Sharks, Patterson decided it was time to reach out to older gangs for advice. "Amelio from the Vice Lords, he told me that we needed bigger weapons. Yeah. And Karl from the Latin Eagles suggested that we talk to The Sharks and try to convince them to... Well, I don't know exactly what we were supposed to convince them to do, cause as soon as I heart the word 'talk', I'm like F U Karl, what the hell do you know?"

"But then, a light bulb went on over my head and I thought, what we need is more Jets. I don't know why we ever decided that there should only be fourteen Jets, seems like a pretty arbitrary decision to me, but now that I've thought my way through that, I think we're about ready for some old fashion ass whippings."

The new sixteen member Jets will be facing down The Sharks this Friday night in back of Roosevelt High School.


2007, Mark Hoback