Larry in Paradise
The other night on 60 Minutes II, there was my man, Larry King, the King of Late Night Talk. Larry shared lots of amusing anecdotes, such as this typical real life encounter with one of his many fans.
"I'm walking in New York, my hometown...me and the wife and the kids, and a guy walks by and he looks at me and says, 'Hey, Larry King, beautiful grandchildren, great-looking daughter.' That hurt...."
Plus, this exclusive. The King of Talk
told Mike Wallace why he would rather interview the The King of Pop than
The King of Evil.
[Larry is so wasted...oh my...... and now
he kinda goes to sleep. What is happening in that head of his? You know that
noise that harps make when you go to sleep? or heaven? I hate that...]
Duh duh daaa do do dah dah - Wake up Larry!
Duh duh daaa do dee doo dah - Mister King!
Duh duh daaa do do dah dah - Come on gorgeous, come on.
Rrrrrr shlufff uhh, huh?
Duh dee daaa do dee doo dah - Wake up, sleepy head!
Yummmph gaa who's there?
It's me - the Larry Fairy. I'm here to grant you your wish.
The Larry Fairy! I'm going to be young again!
Duh duh daaa do do dah dah.
No silly. Guess again.
My heart is going to be like brand new!
My ex-wives are going to quietly pass away!
Duh duh daaa do dee doo dah.
No such luck, Mister King. Want one more guess?
I'm going to be universally loved and respected by my colleagues!
AND NOW, CNN PRESENTS LARRY KING LIVE...
You are a funny man, Larry. I'm just a fairy, not a friggin deity. Just listen.
TONIGHT'S SPECIAL GUEST IS THE KING OF POP, MICHAEL JACKSON.
But I'm still wearing my pajamas! Yiiiiiiiii!
Larry swirls down a pin-striped vortex as those damn harps play the Larry King theme. When the fog dissipates, he is behind his familiar desk. He is wearing a royal blue shirt with starched white collar and cuffs. His trademark suspenders are Chinese red with a black piped outline, emblazoned with simple yet elegant Aztec symbols, which are embroidered with golden thread inside of a gold-framed column. His tie plays nicely off the suspenders, with a similar pattern in contrasting colors. He is wearing no pants.
Swirling down a vortex is no darn good. Larry speaks hesitantly.
After numerous charges of child diddling, any number of bizarre incidents,
frequent court cases, and literally decades of what some people would call
unacceptable behavior - including the apparent murder attempt of his youngest child
by dangling from a precipice, and the befouling of pretty Lisa Marie
Presley, Michael Jackson calls it all a terrible mistake....
King: I what?
father and my mother, pretty much. My father, yes. You know, sometimes I
call the bastard and just breathe on the phone. Maybe, go Hee!, and he'll be
like <deep voice> 'Michael, is that you?' and I'll just hang up...
Michael: Yeah. Yes it is.
KING: I mean, Jermaine, he was just a cute little boy with all that talent.
King: And Ed Sullivan just smacked him one and popped his eardrum, and that's how you got to be the singer?
Michael: Yeah. The rest is history, as they say.
KING: Wow. And am I the first one to ever hear that story?
Michael: Jermaine was the first...
KING: But am I the first big time journalist to ever hear the story?
Michael: Well, I told Ed Bradley, but they didn't air that part of the interview...
KING: So, I'm the first journalist to ever air this story?
Michael: Well, Carson Daley...
KING: So, I'm the first ever prime time news journalist to ever air this story?
KING: There you go folks, another Larry King exclusive.
KING: Rats. Mmm, so, did Jermaine ever diddle a young boy.
KING: To the best of your knowledge, that would be a no?
Michael: To the best of my knowledge, that's right.
KING: How about you?
Michael: How about me, what?
KING: Never mind. Well let's take a few calls. Go ahead, Renaldo, in New Haven, Connecticut.
Renaldo: Do you really call that <bleep> Jesus Juice?
KING: Michael, the caller wants to know if you really call wine 'Jesus Juice'.
Michael: Yes I do. And that question wasn't about Jermaine.
we're standing by for your calls to the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, about
his brother Jermaine ...........................<pause> .......................................
Brad: Howard Stern
King: Michael, the caller wants to ask if you know Howard Stern.
Michael: No I don't.
KING: Uhh, I understand that Howard Stern claims that you diddle youngsters. Is that true?
King: Rats..... Well, Thanks to everyone for joining us tonight. Hope you enjoyed listening to Michael Jackson speak up for his brother as a brother would for another brother. More news ahead on CNN, your most trusted name in news. Good night to our...
Michael: It's only twelve minutes past nine. I'm on for the whole hour.
KING: Rats. <pause> So Michael, what's good at 'Jermaine's Steak and a Tater'?
©2004, Mark Hoback